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Even though online dating and social networking sites have become firmly
entrenched in the cyber landscape, a new study suggests many women are
hesitant to admit that they meet men through the Internet.
Researchers at the University of Manitoba are in the midst of interviewing
women for a national study called "Surfing for Love,'' which looks at
women's experiences using dating sites to look for love, sex or friendship.
"One of the most striking findings so far is that there's a huge
contradiction between what women say about the popularity of online dating
sites on the one hand and, on the other hand, their own sense of almost
shame, and certainly secrecy about it,'' says Susan Frohlick, an associate
professor of anthropology and the study's co-researcher.
Frohlick says that for many of the women in the study, online dating is an
extremely meaningful experience, and in some cases, has dramatically changed
their lives, yet they still have this notion that it's socially denigrating.
"They talk about how it's for losers,'' says Frohlick.
One woman participating in the study said she didn't tell anybody about her
online dating, Frohlick says, "because she thought it was hugely
embarrassing.''
Frohlick says she hopes the study will shed more light on how the online
dating world might be changing women's sexuality.
"We're looking at the use of online dating sites as a fairly new medium of
communication -- and it's very complicated and complex,'' says Frohlick.
Margo Kehler -- not a study participant -- says she "just about fainted'' at
her wedding ceremony when the pastor remarked that they should have brought
a computer to the front of the church since that was how the couple met.
"I was really appalled by that, and embarrassed. I didn't know how people
would receive it,'' Kehler, who lives in Winnipeg, said with a chuckle in an
interview.
Seven years later and still happily married, Kehler, 43, can laugh about it.
"Probably it was the time period, because not a lot of people did it (at
that time). Even still, some people sort of giggle, and once they hear the
story, they say that's a great love story, that's wonderful.''
All of the women participating in Frohlick's study -- there have been 12 so
far -- reported they were reluctant to reveal to friends and families
exactly how they met the men they date.
"Essentially, they don't talk about their use of online dating sites to
anyone else, or maybe they have one person . . . who maybe they share some
information with. But largely, they keep it to themselves, even though they
know people who use it,'' Frohlick says.
Eric, a 29-year-old living with a woman he met through the Internet,
wholeheartedly agrees that looking for love online carries a stigma with it.
"It's the fat, pasty, nerdy kid. He's playing 'World of Warcraft,' he's got
10,000 computer monitors in front of him,'' says Eric, who in spite of
insisting he's not embarrassed about meeting his girlfriend online, asked
not to have his last name printed.
In Eric's experience, along with the stigma of Internet dating comes lots of
questions, too.
"It's easier just to tell people you met at the bar,'' he said, adding it's
"technically true'' for him and his current girlfriend.
The first time they met face-to-face, it was at a Winnipeg sports lounge.
When people ask how they met, that's what Eric says, and he doesn't mention
the Internet.
Frohlick suspects generational differences could be part of the
embarrassment surrounding online dating, and that it may lack the same
stigma among a much younger crowd. All of the participants are women over
the age of 30. Most have recently re-entered the dating world.
Frohlick thinks the speed at which the Internet became part of people's
everyday life has something to do with it, too.
The study uses "qualitative methodology,'' meaning Frohlick, her
co-researcher Paula Migliardi from Winnipeg's Sexuality Education Resource
Centre, or a graduate student interviews each participant over the phone or
in person.
Most previous studies on Internet dating were largely compiled through
questionnaires, so Frohlick hopes their research will provide more detailed
information about women's experiences on the Internet.
Source: http://news.therecord.com/Life/article/291958
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