Back on Dec. 4, 2000, a sloe-eyed Nataliya Robertovna Yamayeva arrived in the United States wearing a $200 engagement ring from her American fiance. On the surface, "Natasha" Yamayeva was like all other newly-minted fiancees, brimming with affection for her future husband. But Yamayeva's new American life would gradually darken. While she blames her husband, their painful misalliance was facilitated by an international marriage broker boasting rosters of compliant women once quaintly labeled "mail-order brides."
"I badly wanted to chase a dream about the overseas prince," says Yamayeva, her smile tugged by an undertow of sadness. "But how could I know I would become a hostage to my own husband?"
To some, the bride is little more than a commodity. At datingdepot.com, clients were urged to "Add Olga (48872) to my order," according to a report by the Virginia-based Tahirih Justice Center, a legal services agency serving immigrant women. And armcandyinternational.com, according to the Tahirih Center, brashly dismisses the $10,500 fee as "less than (the price of) an economy car."
To be sure, a mail-order-bride system - where men page through a thick catalog filled with thumbnail pictures of women before initiating a letter-based courtship - has been around for decades. But lately, this process has ramped up to an Internet-woven network of international matchmaking or marriage brokers.More than 400 international marriage brokers are based in the United States, according to the Tahirih Center.
Online courtship Born 34 years ago in Vologda (north of Moscow), Yamayeva spent most of her student years in the central Russian town of Tambov. She graduated from Tambov State University in 1996 and later earned a master's degree. Starting out as a language teacher, Yamayeva lived with her parents and found it "really difficult to meet anybody," she said.
In the summer of 1999, Yamayeva had her life-altering, "Sex and the City" moment, thanks to an afternoon spent with her friends, commiserating over coffee about their atrophying social lives.
A close friend piped up, "asking me," recalls Yamayeva, "since I speak English, why don't I look for a better life with someone who will really respect me as a woman?"
Yamayeva contacted five matchmaking-marriage agencies' Web sites and submitted a profile filled with pictures. In September 1999, one American, Glen Joseph Henderson, rose above the pack of cyber suitors.
Henderson said he came across Yamayeva's profile by accident. "I'm a computer person, and I happened to be divorced at the time, working at night," he said in a brief interview. "I didn't know such a thing existed."
Yamayeva was impressed that Henderson was doing some computer technical and maintenance work at a job that paid $75,000 a year and had been the pastor of his own church. "He had been in the ministry ... and in Russia, this connection to the church made him possibly an almost perfect new husband," says Yamayeva. "I got so, so very happy that I didn't pay attention to me being 26 and he being 49."
Culminating a months-long letter and telephone courtship, Henderson went to Moscow in April 2000 to meet Yamayeva.
And then, Henderson popped the question.
Amid the initial euphoria of her greased-lightning engagement, Yamayeva said she sensed that Henderson's financial circumstances were not as stable as he had suggested. But after Yamayeva discovered that she was pregnant, Henderson seemed genuinely thrilled and rushed to complete her immigration paperwork, she said.
Life in the States It didn't take long after Yamayeva's arrival in the States for her to see Henderson differently. She found out that in May 2000 he had received a D.U.I. that suspended his driver's license. What's more, only months after their engagement, he had lost the job with the comfortable salary that had impressed her. Before the January 2001 birth of their son, Yamayeva had to pack her bags for the first of a dizzying series of job-to-job moves. The first of those stops was Marion, N.C., where the couple got married Feb. 14, 2001. They chose a justice of the peace at the jail to conduct the ceremony - and a police officer and a fellow member of Henderson's defensive-driving class served as last-minute witnesses.
Cost of the ceremony: $10.
No reception followed.
The family darted between two small cities in North Carolina before motoring on to Newton, Texas, and a job with the fledgling wine business run by Henderson's eldest son. After a short time, they moved to Dallas, then the trek churned back to Newton, where Henderson took a different job before becoming unemployed.
During this Texas chapter, Yamayeva said, a more complete picture of Henderson's prior life began to spill out. She said she learned that Henderson had more children from a previous marriage than the two she believed that he had. Records show a Glen J. Henderson with his date of birth also had a 1993 arrest on suspicion of carrying a concealed firearm.
It is common for an Internet bride to be unaware of unflattering parts of her new husband's background. Addressing this, Congress passed the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act, which requires brokers to collect personal background information on the U.S. client - including specified criminal and marital history - before providing information on how to contact the foreign client.Yamayeva was not physically abused. But she said that Henderson isolated her and harbored suspicions about her fidelity.
Yamayeva said she felt powerless. Like other immigrant brides, she believed her husband would have the legal right to take their son if she tried to get out of the marriage or objected to any treatment.
Going it alone By July 2004, the family had moved back to Florida. Then, Yamayeva said, Henderson sold most of their belongings to finance a move to Cody, Wyo.
Arriving in January 2005, Henderson and Yamayeva began working as house parents for troubled kids at Sonlight Shelter Youth Homes.
"Then after a little more than three months, my husband woke up and decided that he didn't like Cody because it was too cold," she says.
Yamayeva had had it. When Henderson was fired by his boss, James Stockberger, then-executive director of Sonlight Shelter Youth Homes, and left Cody, Yamayeva and her son decided to stay, and they moved into the city's women's shelter.
She filed for a divorce, which became official in September 2005.
Looking into the rearview mirror of her Internet-brokered marriage, Yamayeva says she is still proud of her quest for a better life. Following the advice of another Russian Internet bride, she settled in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. In 2006, Paul Keyes Elementary School in Irving, Texas, hired her as a special-educational aide, working with children with severe learning disabilities.
She fully accepts doing whatever it takes to maintain her life here.
": I wanted to tell my story, because when it comes to Russian or other foreign women, they think they will find a better relationship here, but the truth is that sometimes it turns out to be worse."
Web sites pair American men with Russian women. But mismatched expectations on both sides can turn dreams of marital bliss into a true nightmare.
Source: http://www.timesleader.com/living/20071216_16SadBrides-People_ART
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