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Faced with few prospects in the offline world, many post-college Madison
singles are turning to the Internet to find potential dates, with mixed
success.
Shannon Ballhorn, 32, said the first guy she met online she set up with a
friend, and now they're married.
"Five out of the last six weddings I have gone to have been people who met
online," she said. "If seems to be working for some people. Perhaps just not
for me."
Internet sites like Match.com, Yahoo! Personals and eHarmony provide a place
for people to post a description of themselves and the type of partner they
are looking for, and have helped some singles connect with people beyond
their immediate social circle. Though the stigma of posting a personal ad is
long past thanks to the wildly popular online sites, some still consider it
a last resort.
"I tell my friends, it's really like going into a bar. You're not going to
want to date everyone in that bar," said Kim Smith, a woman in her mid-30s
who did not want her real name used. "It's just a microcosm of regular life.
Some you won't like and some you will."
Striking the right tone when posting a profile can be tricky.
"There's so much weird editing and self-censoring of yourself because you
don't know your audience," Ballhorn said. She estimates she's been on over
100 first dates -- and fewer second dates -- in the past five years.
"I feel like an 80-year-old person who's seen it all," she said.
Similar to the real world, online daters have come across people who are
married, some who lie about their age, and some who are just out of serious
relationships.
"They're advertising themselves as if they're ready, but they're clearly
not," Ballhorn said. "I've met some weirdos and a convicted felon. That's
what CCAP is for."
Wisconsin's public records database has become an important tool for the
savvy online dater. With a quick search of CCAP (Consolidated Court
Automation Programs), people can screen potential dates for a criminal
record.
Looking online has helped some singles scout out dates beyond the
limitations of their immediate area. Some have said the people they have met
online in Madison tend to be from smaller towns around the state, and have
perhaps less of a "world view," making a connection difficult.
Laura, 35, who did not want her last name used, lives in Appleton and has
been online dating off-and-on for two years. It didn't take her long to
expand her online search to the Madison area.
"Living up here, it's a more conservative area and down there I thought I
might make a better match," she said.
Some daters use online sites seasonally. In the summer, Troy Gunther, 33,
said he's too busy working, playing softball, taking trips to his cabin and
being social to spend time online dating. He's gone online to meet women in
the bleak winter months.
Others just can't bring themselves to try it.
"It's a matter of total pride," said Adam Kroshus, 38. "There's something
about it that seems so contrived to me. It takes the mystery out of it, or
something."
Other online sites like Craigslist post personal ads, in addition to the
ever-popular "Missed Connections" section, where people can post a note to
people they've seen or talked to without necessarily knowing their name.
Typical posts seek a "woman with red boots" spotted at Starbucks or "Chris D
at the Silver Dollar last winter."
Kaighte Orshak, 30, admits to being addicted to the site.
"I look at it all the time," she said. "It seems like that area is growing
by leaps and bounds."
But like dating in the offline world, it still takes the right chemistry to
make a relationship work, even if the Internet facilitates more first
encounters.
"If the goal is to meet lots of people, then I have met lots of people,"
Ballhorn said. "If the goal is to meet a partner, I've been less
successful."
By Katie Dean
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