The hard facts are that you can have the cutest, wittiest one-liner ready for a woman's attention, but if you scuttle up to her, with hunched shoulders, sniggering and looking at your feet, she'll more than likely read the signs and they say: LOSER.
So what's good and bad when it comes to body language and the opposite sex?
Smile
Scientists have concluded that the single, simplest expression a person can make with their face that lands positively with another person is the smile. It crosses religions, cultures and races. The most important thing is to make it real.
Behavioural researchers have found that fake smiles are controlled by the cerebral cortex - the conscious part of the brain - but it usually only triggers the muscles in the cheeks that pull back the corners of the mouth.
Genuine smiles are produced automatically by the unconscious brain. It makes the mouth muscles move as in a fake smile, but also contracts the muscles that raise the cheeks causing the eyes to crease up.
When you see someone giving you a fake smile, this is what you're unconsciously noting - that the smile hasn't reached the eyes - and if you're talking to a woman, I daresay it's off-putting to them.
The way you walk
I can tell you more about a guy from the way he walks than just about anything.
Some men walk like they're apologising for even being on the earth, they scurry, while other guys strut around like they're on the verge of a fistfight and others just seem to glide, natural owners of all they survey.
The way you walk announces your world view more plainly than just about any other aspect of body language, so I invite you to slow your thoughts down next time you're walking on the street and feel the way you move.
Look at other men: do you see that creepy dude shuffling on the train platform? How about the young punk, chest puffed out, full of false bravado? Can you see the middle-aged businessman, shoulders slumped by the stress of his job and the wasteland of his marriage?
The more you notice these things in other men, the more you'll able to recognize similarities in how you walk.
Now take a moment to watch an athlete next time you're near one - not the young bucks, but the older guys who've proven themselves on the field, or the skateboard ramp or in the surf - see the way they move in their own time?
Turn on ESPN or FoxSports and watch the way guys like rugby league player Darren Lockyer, AFL star Chris Judd, basketballer Dwayne Wade, NFL quarterback Tom Brady, soccer players like David Beckham walk. They have an economy of movement and awareness of the space their bodies are taking up. Most of all, they do things in their own time.
This is something you can actively practice at the most boring of times: when you're walking to get a sandwich, when you're on the way to work; slow it down, stroll, push your shoulders back, pull your chin up, survey the world, own it. Eventually it will become second nature.
Move slowly, take up space, don't fidget
This bears repeating: only forest animals and guys wearing tight underpants move too quickly. Fidgeting makes you look nervous or unhinged or like you're waiting for a drug dealer.
Concentrate on slowing down all your movement and becoming more deliberate in your actions. Don't touch your face and fuss with your hair. Stop adjusting your shirt and picking your underpants out of your crack.
If someone says something to you, don't snap your head like an eager pup; turn slowly. And for Christ's sake, don't jiggle your leg. Women hate leg-jigglers.
My former colleague, Jack Marx, once wrote: "Here was a man who knew where every part of his life was, at any given moment." Imagine George Clooney at the bar. Hold that thought.
Don't cradle your drink
Some men carry their beer around like it's a baby's bottle, clutched to their chest in front of their heart. It's very defensive. Lower your drink and hold it by the rim at your hip or leg like you're a gunslinger.
Have a wide stance
Stand with your feet at least six inches wider than your hips. It makes you seem more grounded, rooted to the earth. And again, keep your shoulders back, but relaxed. This is your kingdom.
Don't stare ... but hold people's gazes
This is another thing you can practice when you're going just about anywhere - hold people's gazes. Practice it and see if you can keep eye contact with someone until they look away. It's a very powerful signal of dominance and one that women recognize instinctively.
If you look at a woman and, as soon as she looks at you, you flick your eyes away like you've been doing something suspicious, you come off as creepy or sneaky. If you're talking to a woman and you don't make eye contact at all, you'll land as insecure.
Examine what you are doing. You're admiring a woman. There is nothing wrong with this, so don't be ashamed of it or the impulse that causes you to want to do it; it's perfectly natural.
What you do need to consider is how it makes the other person feel, so extended staring at women - ogling if you will - is a no-no, especially if the woman is by herself and she could feel threatened.
Don't 'peck'
My friend who's a date doctor introduced me to this concept and you'll see it every time you walk into a pub. Men leaning into women's conversations - or pecking like chickens - anxious they'll miss what a girl is saying to them.
Tilt your head yes, but as a rule you should lean back from women and let them fill the space between you. Which is also why you ...
Don't stand too close
This is such a turn-off to men and women, the TV show Seinfeld even dedicated an episode to the "close talker". Don't invade other people's space, give them a good neutral zone to work with. Once a woman is comfortable with you, feel free to move into this zone.
Mirror
Psychologists have shown that when we feel accord with a person - when we like them or want them to like us - we will unconsciously mimic their body language.
Men do it with men (observe a table full of guys with the hands clasped behind their heads), women with women and males and females do it in mixed company.
Personally, I think if you're trying to mirror a woman during a conversation, you're over-thinking things. It is however, a good way to recognise when a girl is feeling empathy with you - you look across the table and she'll be unconsciously copying your body posture.
This is a good sign.
