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If you’re reluctantly single, there are plenty of options to help you find romance, but which ones suit your personality?
Not everyone is comfortable with the pressure of a speed-dating night, not everyone feels safe entering cyberspace to find Mr or Ms Right, and who wants to be under the spotlight at
a dinner organised by well-meaning friends?
Your personality plays a key role in deciding which options are most likely to help you find love, says Dr Monica Whitty of the School of Psychology at Queen’s University in Belfast, Ireland.
She says that while older people and those who are shy are more likely to try online dating, confident men and women and younger people prefer the pace of speed dating.
“Shy people are more likely to try online dating because cyberspace provides a safe space for them to develop relationships,” says Dr Whitty. “It provides an attractive arena for those who lack confidence.”
So which dating option is best for you?
Online dating sites
Dating websites are ideal for those who hate the pub and club scene or who are time poor.
“Contrary to common beliefs, the online dating population are not all middle-aged, unattractive and geeks,” says Dr Whitty.
“Different sites cater for different needs, too. Some people use them for finding sexual partners, some people are married and wanting affairs, and other sites are to form committed relationships.”
The key is to find a dating site that meets your requirements. Are you after a quick fling or something longer lasting? Whatever site you choose, be honest when you log on.
“People do quite a bit of lying or exaggerating, especially about their age and looks,” says Dr Whitty. “In other cases they omit certain information to attract others – such as whether or not they have children. You have to find a balance between selling yourself and being ‘real’ or genuine’.”
Choose a reputable dating site that has been around for a while. Never give out your home address – use your mobile number as a contact. Choose a public place to meet, tell a friend where you’re going and arrange to check in with them an hour into your date.
Speed dating
Speed dating is an effective way to meet a lot of people in a short space of time – but only if you’re confident, a bit of an extrovert and find it easy to make conversation, says Tracey Cox, author of More Hot Sex (Bantam Australia).
“Speed dating relies on chemistry, so it’s good for people who are articulate and not shy,” says Cox. “We make up our minds about whether we fancy someone within 90 seconds, and in most speed dating events you get three minutes with each person – more than enough time to see if you’ve got chemistry.”
To make the most of your speed dating experience, smile and keep your body language open. Make each date you talk to feel they are the centre of the room for the few minutes you are with them and don’t be afraid to use conversation topics you’ve already used – your date won’t know you’re repeating yourself.
Dating agencies
“Respectable dating agencies are great for introverts as they screen people carefully. First of all, the potential couple has a short phone conversation, then a short meeting and then a proper date,” says Melbourne-based psychologist Meredith Fuller.
“This gives introverted people a chance to warm up so they can get the best out of each other by the time they go on a date. Introverts also do better with one-to-one interaction.”
Make sure you choose a reputable dating agency. Some states, such as Queensland and Victoria, have an Introduction Agents Act, designed to protect consumers from dubious dating agencies.
Some of the most common complaints about less respectable dating agencies are bogus lists of potential partners and providing partner matches that bear no resemblance to what a client is looking for.
Facebook and MySpace
“With these sites, you can be on there without seeming to be looking for a relationship – even if you secretly are,” says Cox.
“It’s a cooler approach to finding a possible partner. You aren’t saying, ‘I’d like to meet someone special’, which means admitting vulnerability, and lots of people don’t like doing that.”
If you like the look and sound of someone who visits your online profile, don’t give away too much of yourself too soon.
“Be open – but don’t be an open book,” says Cox. “The trick is to intrigue. Don’t be too elusive, though, because a bigger sin than being too open is being so mysterious people think you’ve got something to hide.”
If you meet someone through MySpace or Facebook, take the same safety precautions as you would with an online dating agency. Only give out your mobile number, meet in a public place and let someone know where you’re going and how long you will be.
Match-making friends
Good friends who know you best can be a useful resource – particularly if you’re shy, or no longer fit into the pub and club scene.
“But never invite your introvert girlfriend to a dinner with two other couples and a single man – where the six of you watch them across the table to see how they get on. That’s too much pressure,” says Fuller.
“Instead, ask singles and couples. Then people can mingle and talk without being looked at.
“Even better is to organise activities for a mixed group of friends, like a squash game or a bushwalk, where everyone can focus on the activity and relax and speak to each other.”
If the idea of being involved in a match-making venture strikes fear into your heart, Cox recommends three body language tricks to make you appear confident.
First, take deep breaths. It relaxes you, gives you time to think and lowers the tone of your voice so you sound more authoritative.
“Stand like a confident person. Pull in your stomach, lift your chest and square your shoulders by pulling them up to your ears and then back and down,” says Cox. “Then meet that person’s eye.”
Text flirting
Over 100 million texts are sent in the UK every day – but most of them are sent at the peak dating times of Friday and Saturday night.
Text flirting to negotiate a date is a favourite tool for men who find it intimidating to ask someone out on a date in person.
“Text flirting is cheap, fun and immediate,” says Cox. “You can send saucy texts on the train – and unlike a phone call, nobody can overhear you. We’re more romantic via text, too, because it’s less embarrassing to say something soppy via text than it is saying it face to face. Men love it for this reason.”
But there are some pitfalls to avoid if you’re going to rely on this option to find a date.
Men often don’t respond as quickly to texts as women do – don’t take his delayed response personally. If your potential date doesn’t send texts that are as long as your messages, don’t get offended.
They may not be into texting, but that doesn’t mean they’re not into you. Make sure you send the message to the right person and check the time – your potential date won’t be thrilled if you text them at 3am.
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