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Mistake #1 - Attitude
After meeting thousands of singles, I've seen what people do that works or
doesn't work when finding the love of their lives. One big issue is a
person's attitude. For example, if someone goes to a singles event and walks
in the room and starts complaining about the people who are there, this
tends to put a negative spin on the situation. If they have a bad attitude
about the people they are meeting or how they are meeting people, it will
turn others off really fast.
People with a bad attitude: I have met plenty of singles that have a bad
attitude about being single, about their job, or about life. In other words,
they permeate negativism. It is hard to be around these people. And they are
usually clueless about the way they are behaving. I have suggested to people
that they are in general being negative and some people are floored but for
the most part, they do not do anything about it and revert right back into
this nasty habit.
If you think you are being too negative, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Changing
your attitude will change your life. If you are not sure you have a bad
attitude, just ask people who know you and who will give you an honest
answer. I know people who are so negative that they cannot understand why
they cannot meet anyone.
People with a good attitude: These are the people who others gravitate
towards. People love being around others who are positive and upbeat, and it
makes you more attractive too. These are people who make lemonade out of
lemons. You cannot shake their positive attitude no matter how negative you
are towards them. They will make light out of anything.
So the big question is, whom would you want to meet? Who would you want to
be around? I think I know your answer.
Mistake #2 - Doing the same old thing with the same people
Ok, so the cliche is to "think outside the box", which is so overused but so
appropriate here. I have never been married and I attribute it to the fact
that I always thought I would just meet someone naturally. However, I hung
around the same crowd all the time (all women) and never met anyone new. I
never ventured out of my circle of comfort to try new things. So here I am
still single. And the unfortunate truth is we have to consciously go out and
look for places to meet singles. They just don't drop at our feet anymore.
So here are a few tips to get you out of the house and onto broadening your
circle of friends and acquaintances.
~~ Take a class. Colorado Free University has classes covering many
different subjects. Many singles use Colorado Free University so this is a
great start. Check them out at www.freeu.com.
~~ Do things alone. Go out to dinner, to the movies, walk your dog alone.
Men are better at this than women. Women are always doing something with
their girlfriend and are afraid to do things alone. However, men are more
likely to approach you if you are alone. Of course, you will need to keep
yourself safe and be smart on where you hang out; public places are the
best.
~~ Do something different. Go to the museum, the theater, IMAX or maybe the
park. Do something you normally wouldn't do. You are automatically
surrounded by new people. I suggest you buy the Ultimate Entertainment
Guide. It has many different and fun things to do in Denver. Go to
www.singlocity.com to find out more information on how to buy this book.
~~ Be bold and talk to some strangers. Ok, it is time to get over this
feeling of "don't talk to strangers" and start striking up some
conversations with new people. A good starter question is to simply ask,
"How are you?" I have used this many times and it has always started a nice
interaction with another person.
So just get out of your routine. Choose to do something out of the ordinary
and make a point to do it with someone new. And of course the cardinal rule
is to HAVE FUN.
Mistake #3 - Letting an opportunity pass you by
Ok, we've all done it. We see someone across the room and they seem
interesting. "Hmmmmm, what do I do? Do I go up and talk to them? I'm too
scared, I'm too shy." Does this sound familiar? That little voice inside our
head talks us out of introducing ourselves to this person. Hey, we are just
meeting another person on the planet! You don't have to marry them! Anyone
would be flattered if someone came up to him or her and said, "I really
couldn't leave without at least introducing myself, my name is John (or
Kathy). Should women approach men first? OF COURSE THEY SHOULD. Men love it.
They are flattered as well.
You may ask yourself, "What happens if I make a fool out of myself? What
happens if they are married? Then I've just humiliated myself." Well, I
don't think so. Most people want to meet other people naturally. If it is
approached in a non-committal way, there is no reason for someone to get
offended. And if they do, then this person may be someone who suffers from a
bad attitude (see mistake #1).
Ok, this takes a little gumption. It may be hard the more shy you are but it
sure will be a character builder and I don't think it is as hard as we make
it out to be. Why not? You could be finally introducing yourself to your
soul mate. Remember, never let an opportunity pass you by.
Mistake #4 - Fear
When I got into the singles business, I really didn't know how much fear
people had when it came to going to events, meeting for a date or even just
getting out of the house to do something fun with new people. I was really
amazed at the amount of energy it took someone to just go to a singles
event. I realized it took a lot of courage in many cases for people to walk
into a room of strangers. They think they may be judged, that it will be a
"meat market" or that they may have to say "no" to someone who will ask them
out. Therefore, I feel fear keeps people from getting out and meeting other
singles.
Once when I held a singles event, a man told me that he walked around the
block 4 times before he found the nerve to walk in. Another man who was
terribly shy still found the courage somewhere inside of himself to come to
one of my events. I gave him so much credit for coming but he sat in a chair
and didn't talk to anybody and proceeded to drink 5 Sprites out of
nervousness.
Hey, this stuff is not that complicated, folks. We make it harder than it
really is!!! And if you go in with the right attitude then you can have a
lot of fun meeting new and different kinds of people.
Mistake #5 - Unrealistic expectations
With the onslaught of the Internet, people may think that they can be more
picky about who they choose to go out with. I do want to say that it is good
to be careful and selective, but some singles have a "pie in the sky" sort
of expectation that the perfect person is out there. And with the Internet
dating, we tend to discount people way too fast for things that may not be
that important.
In the old days, people got to know each other the old fashioned way,
face-to-face. Now, people know too much information about a person before
they even meet them. With the face-to-face interaction, you get to know a
person in a more natural way and hopefully a spark is lit. If this spark is
lit, we are willing to maybe overlook some of these imperfections because we
fall in love with all the other wonderful traits this person has. With the
Internet, a person will look at someone's profile and then discount him or
her by one little thing without even meeting them. Therefore, there is no
chance for that spark to even happen. We are looking for unrealistic
expectations or perfection on the Internet and people aren't even willing to
give some people a chance.
Here's an example. I met this man who had a membership at a local dating
service. The dating service called him and said they had a match for him and
they proceeded to tell him about this woman. Well, he told me that
everything sounded perfect except for one thing; she drove a Harley
Davidson. So he discounted her because of this one thing.
We are all not perfect. I encourage people to widen their scope, try out new
ways of meeting people. Open yourself up to meeting new people and don't
discount them too fast. Who knows whom you will fall in love with. Most
likely it will be someone you would have never thought you would be dating.
Life is such a mystery, embrace it and most of all, don't forget to have
fun!!
By Beth Anderson
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