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Are you divorcing your sex life if you divorce your husband? A new survey has found that divorced women may be prone to dormant sex lives. The survey, which polled 10,000 divorced women, found that 55 percent reported having "zero" sexual encounters per month, 22 percent said they were "lucky" to have sex one to three times a month, and 13 percent reported having sex three to six times per month.
Why are divorced women having such humdrum sex lives? Although divorce may bring a form of liberation, it also brings mourning and sorrow for men and women. However, men may have an easier time leaving their emotions at home and jumping back in the dating saddle.
Women, on the other hand, who are more apt to associate sex and emotions, may be less likely to disengage from their grief and date successfully.
Divorced women also may find that their sex lives suffer due to their fear of "abandoning" their children for a Friday night date. After all, they reason, "What kind of mother leaves her children in pursuit of sex and romance?"
While such a sentiment sounds noble, it is actually self-inflicted loneliness and may even constitute a wounded woman's desire to hide from the world. Rather than admit to fear, or even bitterness, some divorced women may blame their singledom on motherhood.
Unfortunately, this attitude serves neither mother nor child. Children need to see their parents model healthy relationships, and they need parents who are happy, well-adjusted -- and yes, sexually satisfied! Studies have shown that women who are sexually satisfied are more likely to be satisfied with the rest of their lives as well -- so, believe it or not, a happy sex life makes for a happy parent.
So how can you reap the rewards of your newly single state without jeopardizing your or your children's well-being?
* Get your mind on board. For some women, healing after divorce may include therapy, a new exercise regimen or a different career path. Whatever path you choose to rebuild your life, give your heart a chance to heal during this painful time.
* Take it slow. Begin by getting a sitter a couple of times a month. You might not be able to jump right back into the dating scene, but you can use this alone time to read a good book or spend time with friends. As you get more comfortable being single, you can begin to use these nights for dates or other social functions.
* Introduce him to your kids -- slowly! Introducing your new man to your children can be incredibly stressful. What if your kids don't like him? What if he isn't good with kids? Whatever happens, be sure that you don't bring him into the picture until the relationship is serious. You don't want your children to become attached to someone who is just there for the weekend. But you shouldn't wait months before you tell them you are dating again.
Remember, you're not alone. Nor are you doomed to a life of loneliness. The old mantra "Once burned, twice shy" should not apply to the rules of dating and love.
By Laura Berman
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