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Recently on my weekly Relationship Radio Show in Atlanta on www.RadioSandySprings.com I had the pleasure of interviewing the husband and wife psychology team of Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski on the subject of smart dating. Judith and Jim have designed their own Smart Dating Program for Singles.
According to Judith and Jim, the single biggest mistake that almost every single makes is "playing the dating game." The opposite of smart dating is not dumb dating, it's traditional dating. Quoting Judith and Jim "The traditional way of dating does make it a `game' and that's the problem - because meeting and mating isn't ever going to succeed when approached like a game."
Approaching dating as a traditional game leads to the following "games":
- Playing hard to get
- Acting mysterious
- Building up a man's ego
- Acting like her Prince Charming
- Pursuit and capture
- It's just as easy to marry a rich man
- Gotta keep her guessing
- And on and on it goes
Smart dating allows you to approach dating with your head up, knowing what you want and how to get it, and being yourself. So many times, in an attempt to put our best foot forward and make a good impression, we act like someone we are not. Then we wonder why we are so disappointed when we discover the person is not who they portrayed themselves to be. Or you are the one who disappoints because you are not as you portrayed yourself to be.
This false portrayal is based on the fear of rejection. When approach dating as a game, we give a ton of power to the other person, and we can be rejected!
When you approach dating from a smart perspective you cannot be rejected!
Think of it this way - when you are looking for a house, you have a list in mind about which house and what kind of house will be the right one for you.
If you or your real estate agent shows you a house that in many ways is a great house, but just not the right one for you, for whatever reason, it is not an issue of rejection. It an issue of not the right fit.
You would not however, try to make the house fit when it can not, or go home feeling rejected by the house. That sounds silly, but it is what we do in relationships.
So get very clear about what you want in a relationship, look for that fit, and do not settle for less. The beauty is when you find someone that fits you and you fit that someone.
And remember, it only takes one!
By JEFF HERRING
McClatchy Newspapers
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