have been sitting here, thinking about my past relationships, and how they have failed. I don't believe in love anymore. I used to. I used to believe that someday I would fall in love; I even fancied myself in love once before, but I don't think that was love anymore.
Not everyone gets married, or has a significant other when they get older. Society seems to view this as lonely, and questions are always asked. Why? Why isn't she married at such and such an age? Maybe no one loves her. Maybe she was too cold for anyone to stay very long. Maybe she was too afraid to ever be in a relationship. Maybe no one can see past a pretty face. Maybe she was used one too many times. No one ever considers any of this.
I have been struggling with coming to terms with the fact that I will never be married. That I will never plan a wedding like other girls. I will never fall in love, and have that love reciprocated. At first, it was a scary thought, giving up that belief in love, that belief that I had always held onto so strongly, hoping that one day it would save me. But love isn't going to save me. Another person is not going to save me. No, I have to do that myself. I'm not even saying that love doesn't exist for some people. I think there are some people who love is meant for, but I know I am not one of those people. I am too scared and frightened, too shy, and no one is able to look past my face and see anything that is inside.
How can one be happy when they don't have what so many to deem essential? I realize that I am a strong and self sufficient person. I have my faith, I have goals, I have friends, I am poised to change people's lives. Why do I need to be attached to someone to acheive these goals. I still feel a tinge of sorrow, but I can look past that now.
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