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Nearly two months have passed since 19-year-old Donna Jou of Rancho Santa Margarita went missing after she went on a date with a stranger she met through Craigslist.org. The stranger turned out to be a convicted sex offender, and Jou was last seen by her family climbing on the back of his motorcycle, heading to a party in Los Angeles. While the man has since been detained in Florida, Jou remains missing and authorities fear the worst.
If Jou's story hasn't hit a nerve with anyone out there in the dating world, it should.
When the story first ran in late June, a few readers left comments on ocregister.com to the effect of, “That's what she gets for trying to get a date off the Internet.” The truth is, what happened to Jou could have happened to anyone. To your friend, your sister, your daughter. People meeting other people via social networking sites such as MySpace.com or online dating services such as Match.com has become routine – even if there's a lot of dabble-and-denounce action going on when it comes to Internet dating.
The reality is, meeting someone or going out with someone new – even the old-fashioned, non-Internet way – all boils down to the same thing: You're going out with a stranger, or at least someone you don't know well enough to be certain they're not a threat.
In the past, I've always made it a habit to inform at least two girlfriends whenever I had a date with someone new. I give them the guy's full name, his phone number, when and where we're supposed to meet (I never want a stranger to know where I live too early on) and any other details about him. I even jot a handwritten note and leave it on the fridge whenever I leave the house late at night for something as little as walking to the grocery store or to my nearest Blockbuster: “It's a little after 11 p.m. on 8/2/07. Am walking to Ralph's to get some milk and cereal. Am wearing black jeans, gray jacket with a hood and Chuck Taylors.”
Also, before a date with a guy I don't know well, I automatically Google him to see if there's anything I can dig up. Once, I discovered a seemingly nice guy's blog, which turned out to be completely offensive. In one entry, the guy posted a picture of a pregnant woman eating at his favorite restaurant. Emblazoned across the image was the word “DISGUSTING.” Total winner.
“I found out one of my ex-girlfriends had a DUI after Googling her,” said 28-year-old George Tunea.
“You can find out all kinds of things about someone if you look on the Internet.”
Going beyond Googling also might be wise.
“In this most recent case (with Donna Jou), the guy turned out to be a sex offender. Anyone can check the Megan's Law sex offender database,” said Jim Amormino, spokesman for the Orange County Sheriff's Department.
That's not always a guarantee. The name that Jou's date gave was an alias.
Another good idea is to have an exit strategy during the date.
Making a quick trip to the bathroom and having a friend call five minutes later with an “urgent family emergency” can be a face-saving way to end any encounter early.
Years ago, I asked a fellow reporter to radio me on the company two-way speaker phone: “Katherine. This is your editor. We need you to cover a, um, breaking news story. Right away!” I stammered some apologies and fled because the evening wasn't going very well. OK, security wasn't the issue. The truth was the guy was sweating profusely and had this weird facial twitch.
A guy I know once told me that while on a date with a girl he met on MySpace, her friend showed up to the restaurant an hour later. Apparently, his date had failed to send the friend a text message to let her know that the date was going OK.
“Usually I'll run to the bathroom during the date to call my best friend and let her know the guy's not a creep or whatever,” said Andrea Dinh, 27, of Huntington Beach. “She'll do the same with me. We've got each other's back that way.”
Several guys said dating security is more of an issue for women.
“I don't have any problem if the girl wants to bring a friend along for the first date if it makes her feel more comfortable,” said M. Kelly Wilt, 28, of Santa Ana. “It's scary out there for a woman, I understand. Man, if I could have a girl bring in a filled-out (date) application, so I could make sure she was cool too, that would be perfect.”
Many women said they preferred not to go out on dates with people they didn't know and would rather meet people through friends. Or if they did go out with someone they barely knew, the situation could call for group outings so their friends could meet and check the person out, too.
Wilt and others said sites like Match.com may be less sketchy for finding dates, but a site like Craigslist should never be consulted for romance.
“Don't search for a guy on Craigslist ever,” said Wilt. “Have you seen those weird, crazy personals on there?”
By KATHERINE NGUYEN
The Orange County Register
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