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'Women in their 50s aren't that interested in sex," a friend told me on a night not long ago when we were trading stories (mostly his) about love and romance. Like me, my friend is 55, and he pretty much confines his dating to women in the 40-to-55 age range. That's true of many of the middle-aged guys I know who are single and searching. "It's not that we don't want to date women our age," my friend said. "It's just that we want sex, too. And we're more likely to get it with younger women."
That number - 55 - is hanging over my head like a stressful job. And my job is to find someone quick, before September rolls around, and I turn 56. One minute, dating feels flirty and fun. The next minute, you're blowing out your birthday candles and realizing you've reached your expiration date. In just a few short weeks, my chances of finding a mate, much less a soul mate, will be about as slim as my chances of getting into my college jeans.
When I first started this dating thing last winter, after my 25-year marriage ended and I pulled myself together, I was encouraged by the possibilities ahead. There were lots of great-sounding men my age seeking many of the same things I was after - a partner, someone fun who liked to ski and travel and curl up by the fire on a chilly Sunday afternoon. In fact, there seemed to be lots of guys who were into snuggling in front of the fireplace - either that or they knew just what women like me wanted to hear. Their profiles said they liked to cook and dance to the Bee Gees, and they were baby boomers like me. I found men who sounded sentimental and sincere and whose profiles seemed heartfelt. One guy was a professional Santa Claus. Many were in transition, like me, starting over with an empty nest and lots of energy. I could relate.
But is my friend right about women not being interested in sex? I don't think so. I talk regularly with women my age about everything from safe sex to how to keep the home fires burning when you've been married for eons. Even my 80-year-old mother agrees that women stay interested for life.
Maybe he's forgetting the sexy boomer icons. Actresses Jane Seymour and Cheryl Ladd both turned 56 this year. Is it over for them? And look at Susan Sarandon, who's 60, and Diane Keaton, who's 61. Do these women look like they've lost their zest?
I think my friend - who's like many of the men I've met on eHarmony and Match.com - wants to be with a younger woman because it makes him look good and feel younger. That's what I told him. But that still doesn't help me, especially dating online, where age is a box you check whether you're writing a profile or searching for someone, and I'm about to age out of the 40-to-55 demographic.
I have all the attributes guys online say they're seeking. They claim to want "chemistry with someone special, easygoing, and spontaneous." They want to meet "a woman with a warm smile and big heart who enjoys adventure and connecting." That's me. Plus, I'm an all-weather girl (I grew up in Buffalo). I make a mean lasagna. I'm a homebody who also likes to travel. And I'm into long walks on the beach off -season - another thing guys online really seem to go for. My kids are out of the house - the biggest plus of my age group - and I'm nearly done unpacking the baggage from my marriage. What more could a man ask for?
Census figures tell me there are 16.6 million single women older than 55 in the United States and only 7.2 million single men. So where does that leave me, a woman whose clock is ticking in the dating game? Working on my online profile. I've got the buzzwords down, and I'm tweaking as we speak: "DWF, 55, great smile, spontaneous, loves adventure and knows how to keep the home fires burning, seeks sexy soul mate 40 plus for connection, fun, and much more."
© Copyright 2007 Globe Newspaper Company.
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