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SANTWANA, an Assamese girl working as a receptionist at Assam Bhawan, New Delhi, was not that ambitious to think of a life abroad till one day she met an Australian guy over the Internet. Her brother, who is an immigrant based there, cross-checked the antecedents of the person and they got married earlier this year. Prabal comes from a Delhi-based Assamese Brahmin family, and is currently working abroad. His mother wanted a true-blooded Brahmin bride for him. There was no way that Prabal could locate a bride for himself and neither could his old parents find someone who would fit the bill. Eventually the boy managed to meet an Ahom girl on the Internet, which later culminated in marriage.
It’s time for the match-makers in heaven take a break, as the Internet and the online matrimonial agencies are out in full force to do the job and make a few millions in the process! A couple of weeks back when Shaadi Points of India’s leading matrimonial portal shaadi.com sprung up in a few places in Guwahati and elsewhere and splashed half-page ads in prominent newspapers, they marked the arrival of the Rs 100-crore match-making industry in the Northeast. But, strangely, it hardly ruffled any feathers. Shaadi Points has seemingly failed to draw much interest among the ethnic people of the region unlike elsewhere in the country, where match-making has long moved on to the virtual world, turning the online match-making services industry into a million-dollar business. And, mind you, small town and country folk are the main forces driving this business today.
So much so that this business once confined to pandits, is today attracting investments not only from domestic companies and funds but even from Internet giant Yahoo. Matrimonial portals like shaadi.com today claim to fix, on an average, 1,000 marriages every month. Why is it that the Assamese society and other ethnic communities in the Northeast have remained aloof from these modern means of matrimonial pursuits? In fact, it’s not just the online matrimonial portals, which have remained out of bounds for the traditional societies in the Northeast, even matrimonial ads in newspapers are still a complete ’no-no’ for most people.
About two years back, the Assam Association of Delhi had started an initiative in the national capital in association with a matrimonial portal called Timesmarti.com by organising a day-long ’Swayambar’ as a meeting ground for prospective brides, grooms and their parents. Only 35 people turned up. Recalls Manoj Das, the secretary of Assam Association, Delhi, "Most people who turned up went there out of curiosity. We used it as a test case and didn’t really push very hard. Yet, one marriage fructified last November through that exercise. I am confident that such an event can become a roaring success. Only the name has to be changed to ’bibahopoyogi lora shoowalir sina porichoy sammilani’ (A get-together for boys and girls of marriageable age) or something like that. The title, Swayambar, carried the imagery of a bride or groom waiting with a garland to instantly make someone his/her life partner; which was really scary." The Assam Association of Delhi is now in talks with the Assamese women’s organization called URULI, to hold a ’chinaki mela’.
According to Das, the reluctance of Assamese people to explore the Internet or print media for matrimonial alliances is largely due to ’mukhalajja’ - the consciousness of being pointed out. It is also because of our traditional value system. "Assamese society -- barring some orthodox communities and tribes -- is at large an open and broad-minded society. Marriage alliance is mostly through romance. They are hesitant to trust someone who would advertise his/her incompetence in finding a match through self-efforts or traditional channels," he observes. But then, there is a definite reverse side to it. The unwillingness of the Northeastern people to step along with the tide of times may also leave marooned an entire young generation, which is out to join the march of the world outside of this region. Discerning circles are, in fact, voicing concern over the rate at which Assamese boys and girls based outside of this region are seeking non-Assamese spouses. "It’s good for national integration, but bad for one’s cultural identity," they say.
Das, for instance, points to the growing tendency for cross-cultural marriages between Assamese grooms and North Indian brides in some of the big cities. "Assamese boys, who are well-cultured and free from the malaise called dowry, are fast becoming a sought-after commodity in many dowry-ridden societies," he points out.Ask them, and these Assamese boys and girls would tell you that the problem lies in the absence of linkages. This is a reality for most people who have crossed geographical boundaries in pursuit of careers and fortunes. "I think we need to organise get-togethers or youth festivals to bring together marriageable boys and girls. We can also hold ’chinaki melas’ for introducing the prospective brides/bridegrooms. Let them choose and go ahead," suggests a Delhi-based father of a marriageable girl, who is still not comfortable with the idea of seeking an alliance for his daughter through the Internet.
But this is not the entire story. Although the Assamese community is prima-facie reluctant to utilize the Internet for matrimonial alliance, it’s not wholly true with the younger generation. Thankfully, the GenNext has spotted the problem area fast enough. A good number of young people do use the Internet today in a very prolific manner for such pursuits. As a matter of fact, unlike their print counterparts, online matrimonial ads allow prospective brides and bridegrooms to share more information on their
personality and outlook towards life, which most people find useful as couples today look at individual compatibility very closely.
World over the Internet and matrimonial newspaper ads have scripted many success stories of match-making and cross-cultural matrimony. As long as one sees them as a medium of establishing links, there is no harm in utilizing such modern media to seek alliances. But, even the most liberal would advise caution in such pursuits. From his experience, Das, too, prescribes caution in such matters. "For one, most profiles available on websites are generally full of lies. I heard of a girl who had gone to meet an ‘athletic built, handsome, young suitor’ only to find a middle-aged “uncle” with a pot belly and gray hair looking for that extra kick in life. One must do a due check-up of the antecedents of a prospective bride or groom through a third party," he says.
Though there are some people who wouldn’t touch such sites with a barge pole, the younger generation is lapping them up. At the end of the day, however, caution should be the only catchword.
By Sanjay Tiwari
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