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So-called ‘Gen X’ online daters tend to be well-paid, professional people who are ‘highly instrumental’ and organised in their mission to meet the one special person with whom they can establish an intimate real-world relationship, according to a University of Melbourne study.
Sociologists Dr Millsom Henry-Waring and Dr Jo Barraket found online daters pursue a means to an end. Evidence suggests they fill out truthful in dating profiles because if they later meet the other person any ‘enhancements’ will be obvious.
Dr Henry-Waring says her investigation into the sociology of on-line dating stems from a longstanding academic interest in the social implications of technology and, in particular, how technologies ‘mediate intimacy’.
“One of the main characteristics of online dating is the speed at which a relationship conducted largely by email can become intense. Many daters interviewed during the project described a relationship that moved quickly to intimacy and an easy, rapid revelation of personal information.
“But what may seem like chemistry by email and SMS is often not proved by a physical meeting, which can be disappointing.
“One media report recounted someone establishing a promising online relationship only to feel devastated when a meeting showed her new friend to be an ex-partner, in whom she was definitely no longer interested.”
Intimacy and personal connection rely heavily on visual cues, tone of voice and body language, says Dr Henry-Waring. “Communication through language matters, but not as much as we think. Similarly a set of highly matched personal preferences, characteristics or likes and dislikes doesn’t always lead to a connection.
“Most users of online dating quickly learn there is a danger in over-filtering potential dates and that highly specified profiles don’t attract people with whom they can eventually ‘click’. It seems people need a fairly broad catchment from which to successfully choose a partner.”
She says the study found that despite increased opportunities to meet partners from ‘outside the square’ being facilitated by digital technology, singles still select potential partners according to more conventional norms. Crossing cultural, racial, class and other social boundaries were not as common as the opportunities suggest.
Findings showed people engaged in online dating spent quite a lot of time online, searching sites and responding to emails. They were also familiar with technologies such as Blackberries, I-pods and PDAs and were comfortable engaging in relationships mediated through technology.
Fewer stigmas now exist about meeting people online than even a few years ago, according to Dr Henry-Waring, and she expects this shift to continue.
“The way of telling ‘the story of how we met’ to family or friends will change over time, and people will feel more relaxed about revealing their online meetings.”
Yet to be seriously addressed in the area of online relationships are some of the “unintended consequences” of establishing networks and intimate relationships online.
Dr Henry-Waring says relationships may become more disposable when one is able to ‘shop’ for the perfect partner.
“This raises some interesting questions about trust and fidelity. The decision about when to take your profile offline can be difficult. When you have met someone and established an intimate relationship, there comes a point when you have to decide you are no longer ‘looking’. Commitment can be conflicted by feelings that you will miss the buzz of meeting new people, or that someone better may be out there.”
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