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•Be yourself.
Being comfortable with who you are and letting other people get to know the real you is critical. If you try to present an "image" and you keep your true self private, others don't get to know the real you -- and the special person you are.
•Focus on your behavior, not the other person's.
Unhealthy relationships develop when we focus on the other person's behavior -- what they need to change. This perspective almost always leads to problems. Conversely, quality relationships result when we focus on our part in the relationship and do not try to change the other person. Remember, you really can't change other people. So, focus on yourself and what you can do to improve the relationship.
•Communicate honestly and directly with those around you.
One of the biggest relationship killers is indirect communication -- talking "through" someone else or not saying what you really mean. Dropping hints at what you want -- versus asking directly -- makes it very difficult for the other person.
Additionally, remember that honesty does not always mean being brutally honest. There are ways to deal with difficult topics in a kind and helpful way, rather than unloading all of your pent up frustration. Honesty with kindness make a great combination.
•Own your feelings.
In actuality, no one can make you feel anything. You can choose to not be offended when someone is rude to you. Our feelings are the reactions we have as a result of our expectations being met -- we may feel pleased or appreciative -- or not met, which can result in feelings of hurt, disappointment or anger. It is true that others' actions impact us but ultimately how you respond to a situation is up to you.
Have you ever been around a person who is cheerful even when their life's circumstances are bad? They are choosing to respond positively.
•Express appreciation to others.
All of us love to hear the word "thanks." Communicating gratitude in ways that are meaningful to the other person is key. Try different actions: write a note; thank them verbally; spend time with them; buy a small gift, or do something for them.
Whenever possible, share your love in the language that means the most to the other person.
•Resolve conflicts in a nondamaging way.
Conflict is a natural part of any meaningful relationship. Healthy conflict is based on the belief that both of you want the best for the relationship. Not attacking the other person's character is also critical. And learning when to take a "time out" from an argument helps keep the interaction from getting out of control.
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