IF THERE'S one thing Jane Ganahl knows how to do, it's get naked -- at least in a metaphorical sense.
The former singles columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle regularly bared all for readers regarding the good, bad and ugly of her single life -- and she has kept it up in her new memoir, "Naked on the Page: The Misadventures of My Unmarried Midlife."
While I admired Jane's writing -- and her guts with regard to stripping down to her emotional skivvies -- I'd just as soon eat glass as do the same.
Unfortunately, my editor had different ideas.
"I think that's an interesting angle," he said when I told him what impressed me most about Jane's writing. "Maybe you should try getting a little naked, too."
Not exactly the sort of thing you ever want to hear from an editor. But I decided to suck it up and get a little guidance on the pros and cons of exposing myself in print from the, um, master.
"When you write about some painful dating experience, like a guy who complains because you're not as pretty as he thought you would be -- which is something that happened to me -- it's like you're doing a kind of service," Jane said via phone. "You strike a nerve and other people then have the courage to talk about the stuff that happens to them or find comfort in the fact that they're not alone."
Striking a nerve, providing comfort. Got it.
"You should also warn your family about the really personal stuff," she said. "You don't want to give them a heart attack."
With that in mind, I guess it's time to start stripping.
Naked Truth No. 1: I don't really date. Granted, this may seem odd for a woman who writes almost exclusively about dating and singles issues, but it's the truth.
Except now that I think about it, I may have been on a date the other night, only I'm not sure because it was one of those "Was that a date?" dates. I thought it was dinner with a buddy, but then the buddy picked up the tab -- and seemed to be acting a little friendlier than usual. Not "let's-get-naked-and-roll- around-in-chocolate-syrup" friendly, but there definitely was a vibe. Which for all I know could have been like or lust or maybe just spicy lamb satee.
So what did I do about it? Nothing. I had a deadline -- as usual -- so I scurried home to my dear little laptop, which has pretty much been the center of my universe for the past couple of years (in dating terms, you might even call it my soulmate). I made the deadline and as of this week, have even turned in my latest book manuscript (a lurid history of dating, due out next February).
Which means I've finally run out of excuses like, "I don't have time to date because I'm too busy writing about dating," a neat little justification that probably boils down to ...
Naked Truth No. 2: Dating scares me.
I've heard people say that if you ever looked at a piece of cheese under a microscope and saw all the creepy, crawly critters that lived there, you'd never eat cheese again. Well, that's kind of how it is with me and dating. For the past couple of years, I've dug through so much dark history and heard so many horror stories -- women who've thrown up on their dates, men who've filed lawsuits after being stood up -- that the thought of going back out there again is a little terrifying.
But -- naked truth alert (Uncle Jerry, stop reading now!) -- I love men. I love flirting with them, making out with them, and yes, even getting all goopy about one of them now and again on the phone with my girlfriends. (You think that stuff is going to end when you hit your 40s, but it just doesn't.)
And since I'm a so-called dating expert, I know that if want to spend time with men -- or with one fabulous man, in particular (please dear lord, all I ask is that he can spell) -- I'm going to have to get back on the dating-go-round. Which means that at some point, I'm probably going to be thrown up on. Or I'll hear about a spastic colon. Or, more likely, I'll get hurt (yet again), possibly by some joker who tells me I'm not nearly as pretty as he thought I would be.
Which leads us to some other naked truths. For instance, the only thing scarier than dating is dating at my age, because I'm now at that point where I'm starting to become invisible to certain men. Although -- another truth -- I don't really mind all that much since it means I'm also invisible to the men who used to bombard me with annoying scattershot interest, like that creepy little guy at the bus stop who used to tell me I should be a dancer at Déjà Vu (thanks, but I think I'll just stick with the writing and leave the writhing to the professionals).
And since the hour is late and I'm starting to catch a chill here, I probably should let loose with ...
Naked Truth No. 3: I'm fine with whatever happens.
If I meet some incredible guy who not only can spell but is willing to put up with my crazy life (I have four sisters and three accordions, enough said?), that's great. And if I don't meet him -- ever -- that's OK, too.
I love my single life (which is good because, according to one of my editors, I'll be fired if I ever get married). But, I love a good adventure, too.
Is dating a scary landscape inhabited by all kinds of oddball critters? Absolutely. But just as there are those who will tell you it's the mites in the cheese that give it its delicious piquant, I can tell you it's the stuff in life that goes sideways that makes for the best stories. The kind of stories you eventually have to go out and get on your own rather than glean from a bunch of interviews. The kind of stories that can strike a nerve -- both inside and out -- and even smart a little bit in the telling.
The kind of stories that you'll probably be hearing from me now and again as I head back into the fray.
With my clothes on, of course -- at least for now.
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