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Singles over 50 have a tough time meeting one another

Date: 2007-05-20

By his own admission, Norm Stout, of Cook Township, near Ligonier, has been down the road of marriage and romance a couple of times "at least," and at 68 he's a bachelor looking for ... well, he isn't quite sure.

He is sure that singles over 50 have a tough time meeting one another, and he's doing something about that.

The founder of 50 Plus Singles, he's been bringing together men and women who are looking for friends, too. For the last couple of months, they've been meeting informally at area restaurants, and on May 27 he's hoping to attract the regulars and some newcomers at a buffet at Black Dog Pub on Route 31, near Donegal.

"I want to make this a big push for our kickoff," he said. By word of mouth and posters, the new group has attracted 32 people who are keeping in touch one way or another, and about a dozen show up at any given gathering.

It's not a dating service, but rather an opportunity for mature singles to find friends of both genders, someone to talk to and something to do. For some of them, that's as simple as playing cards together.

"One of the women has been talking about a dress exchange, but that didn't get me interested," said Stout, who is known for his sense of humor.

Dating in the senior years has its own distinct issues, Stout says.

"When you're young and get married, you have a family and a job and you build toward the future," he said. "It's a different story when you do that the first or second time around. But when you're 50, 60 or 70, a lot of those things are out of the question.

"People get set in their ways, too. They already have the way they live, and it gets pretty hard to find a compatible person."

As for himself, Stout lives "out in the middle of nowhere" and leans toward "a simple life."

"I don't need anything and I don't expect anything," he said.

Noreen, 56, of New Stanton, has been helping him to get the group going. Like other women involved, she didn't want her last name to be printed in the newspaper.

"It's lonely being single and over 50, especially around this area," she said. "When I want to do anything, I have to go into Pittsburgh."

She no longer fits into her married friends' lifestyles, which makes it difficult to even find friends just for "girl stuff." So she goes alone to dances, art events and parks.

"When you're by yourself, that makes it lonely," she said. "I tried the Internet stuff, but I've had the worst luck."

So have some of her female friends who, when they exchange information, find they have been e-mailing some of the same men who make arrangements to meet and never show up, or who disappear after one date. One popular man is particularly notorious for that.

"Some of these guys do the same things to everyone," Noreen said. "They become well known in the Internet circle, but I was the new kid on the block and I didn't know better. We laugh hysterically when we get together and talk about them."

Mary, 62, of Monessen, has been divorced "for a long time" and said there are few opportunities to make friends other than in church groups.

"But that's something separate and apart from just wanting to gather in a group and talk to someone," she said.

She tried "the Internet stuff" and met some of the "strangest characters," and some "really nice" men, but nothing came of it. So she has been attending 50 Plus Singles for the last couple of months.

"It's not like we are looking for someone to date," she said. "We just like to get together and talk."

Cheryl, 60, of Greensburg, is a new member. She, too, has been divorced for awhile but is just starting to date.

"I'm not looking for something permanent," she said. "I just want a little companionship."

Beverly, 56, of Donegal, was 16 when she started dating her husband, who died two years ago after 34 years of marriage.

"It's sad," she said, "but life goes on."

At the urging of her cousin, she is just beginning to look for a social life, and a couple of attempts at matchmaking went nowhere. She did, though, find some pleasant moments with a widower whose wife died around the same time that she lost her husband.

"It was nice to just talk," she said.

Members agreed that things like having their own homes and extended families can hinder developing new relationships. So can financial considerations.

In other words, Noreen said, "We all have baggage."

Health changes in later years, too.

"I think that health is something that's paramount in every man's mind, and I know I'm not the same Norman that I used to be," Stout said. "So when you look at a relationship, you have to look at it from your own perspective. What do I have to put on the table with a relationship? A decrepit old man with a cane?"

With that, he laughed and reiterated his belief that there really are people out there looking for each other, no matter where they are in life.

"I don't know where this group is going, and I don't know what I'm going to learn," he said. "But we've gotten some really nice people coming together."





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