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First date jitters are hard to escape. Even smart, attractive and emotionally mature adults can sometimes run into trouble when searching for lasting romantic relationships.
Whether looking solely for a good time or for a long-term relationship, first impressions can make all the difference in landing a second date. While women contemplate whether to see their date again for about an hour, men only take 15 minutes to decide, according to Meredith Broussard, editor of “The Encyclopedia of Exes: 26 Stories by Men of Love Gone Wrong.”
John Reed, junior, believes men can base a lot of a first date on looks.
“I think women are on that first date looking for, ‘Is this guy someone I can be with for awhile?’” Reed said. “Guys are just kind of looking for, ‘Is she hot?’ or ‘Will my friends think she’s hot?’”
Jane Marx, sophomore, believes she approaches dating differently than most women.
“I’m more like a guy when I’m dating,” Marx said. “I’m not really looking for anything serious.”
No matter what men and women look for, many have lucky rituals they hope will help them out.
“Sometimes I sing in the mirror when I’m getting ready,” Amber Goelz, sophomore, said. Goelz believes this helps put her in a good mood for the date. She also recommends avoiding foods that cause bad breath before going out.
David Bruss, freshman, has one ritual he swears by.
“I always wear my purple boxers for good luck,” Bruss said. Bruss also prepares for dates by rehearsing what he’s going to say beforehand.
“I get real afraid of awkward situations, so I’m always thinking about new things to talk about,” he said.
Yet sometimes no matter how much you prepare, the unavoidable may happen. Goelz went out for ice cream on a first date. She was sitting outside with her date when a bird pooped on his black coat.
“He was really embarrassed, and it just made it really awkward and I didn’t want to be there,” Goelz said. “I ate my ice cream really fast and was like, ‘All right, well, do you want to get going?”
A bad date is almost guaranteed when people try to date too soon after a breakup. A 2006 Yahoo! Personals survey showed that 42 percent of people think it’s best to wait more than a month before dating again. Reed did not follow this rule. Right after getting out of a past relationship, he went to the theater with a girl to see “Rent.” Something onscreen reminded him of his ex-girlfriend, and he became emotional. Reed didn’t just shed a tear or two – he started bawling.
“I look over and find that my date isn’t even phased by what’s going on on the screen, and to this day I still cry whenever I watch ‘Rent,’” Reed said. Unfortunately, Reed’s date felt too uncomfortable to go out with him again.
One way to help people loosen up on a first date is to have a drink or two. However, sometimes people drink more than what they should, and this can end up ruining the date.
Sam Hatala, junior, made inappropriate comments on a date when he had too much to drink.
“I definitely got too drunk, and she got the wrong impression,” Hatala said. “[It was] St. Patty’s Day, so what do you expect?”
Hatala hopes he won’t get too drunk on a date again but anticipates that he probably will.
“I like to party by nature,” he said. “I wouldn’t really change for someone.”
Other times, even if the date seems like it’s going great, the person may not be telling the truth about themselves. Although Reed has been dating someone for one year now, he used to lie on dates a lot. Reed usually lied about his job and his age.
“I’ve been 21 for about five years now, even though I’m still not 21,” Reed said. “You just got to embellish a little bit. But then it’s harder when the truth comes out later once you get to know the person. If I lied to them, I usually wasn’t interested.”
A fraternity made finding a date easier last Wednesday with their annual date auction. Pi Kappa Alpha raised about $1,000. The members took their dates out to dinner, and then they went as a group to a dance the fraternity organized in Eagle, Wisc. The fraternity’s president, Alex Anderson, senior, believed the event helped some of their members to take a dating risk that they might not have.
“I think everyone has a little bit of shyness in them,” Anderson said. “[The date auction] definitely presents a situation that gives guys the ability for the girl to make a first move.”
Anderson believes that dating in general is not easy, but when somebody has strong feelings for another person, they should ask them out.
“I think if you’re willing to accept the risk of possibly failing, then you should go for it and do what you got to do,” he said.
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