Beware of dating sites and spinoffs

QI used Internet dating sites until I met my current partner through one. We've been together for one year. We both still log on to the website on which we met to use the forums, as we also met friends that way.

Recently, somebody posted a link to a YouTube video that advertises a website for reporting bad experiences dating online. This makes me uncomfortable, because, previously, I did have a couple of bad experiences with online dating.

So, all it could've taken was for any of those women to report on a website like this (vindictively) and I might've never met my partner. She could've checked the site after my first message to her and decided to give it a pass. What do you think of this type of thing? I believe it's not needed and plays on people's thirst for revenge.

Concerned

AConsumer beware – that saying applies to dating site use and its spinoffs, equally to warnings about buying specific products. Hopefully, online dating is in at least its second generation now and people are more savvy about not believing that every photo is current or that every personal description written is true fact. Unfortunately, I still hear too often from people whose entire "relationship" is an online communication with no personal meeting, and it ends in deep disappointment when they discover reality.

So I believe there can be a good service rendered by a bad-date site IF people are being honest and fair, and reporting about real risks, such as the knowledge that the person seeking dates is potentially violent, a sexual predator or lying about being single. As for the possibility of revenge, yes, it exists. Anyone who feels wrongly maligned should contact the site and complain vehemently, following up with a lawyer's letter if the statements are false and damaging. And it's up to the careful consumer to read those reports with a discerning eye for anything that sounds like another person's mean-spirited gripe.

QMy husband's sister is in her mid-40s, divorced, with drug and psychological problems. She lives in another city and calls daily, sometimes in the middle of the night; she once threatened suicide. As compensation because their father abused her, my husband feels he must always listen to her, send her money and make excuses for her behaviour. She has continually turned away from help. She's also a pathological liar and has been caught stealing. Her other family members, who live in the same city, want nothing to do with her. My problem is that my husband creates arguments with me because I see her as manipulative and irresponsible. Her phone calls depress him – which he takes out on me. He's never given me the attention he dotes on her. He's said that if I can't accept that his sister will be his lifelong responsibility, then I should move on. Am I insensitive or is this over the top?

What's Normal?

AYou ARE insensitive, his reaction IS over the top and this problem won't get solved by declaring either of you right or wrong.

Your husband needs counselling help to handle his relationship with his sister – no matter your decision to stay or go.

He can never compensate her for their father's abuse, as he can't undo that terrible damage she suffered. He needs to set boundaries for HIS sake and his sister's, not yours. If you want your marriage to continue, show support for him to help himself to deal with this situation in a healthier manner; stop making it your problem. Or leave.

QMy boyfriend and I, both 38, broke up after five years on and off. I met someone new and constantly fantasize about our hugging, kissing, making love, etc. I never experienced these feelings with my ex-boyfriend. He was so disgusting when he kissed me, like a frog. Friends say he's a player. I'm looking for a life-time partner. Should I continue dating him for fun?

Besotted

AExamine your reasons for staying with someone for five years, whom you compared to "a frog." Now ask yourself why you'd get involved with a known "player," when you seek a long-term relationship.

If you consider hit-and-run romance to be "fun," go ahead. Personally, I think you'd do better to give this guy a pass and develop standards for whom you choose and what you'll accept in the future.