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You don't have to stop dating just because you're married with a family.
I don't mean to say that I'm dating outside my marriage. I mean to say that I continue to date my wife in order to maintain a happy marriage.
Please allow me to present this column as an unofficial Guide to Enjoying a Happy Marriage. I feel I'm qualified to write on the subject since I'm happily married.
And so, the first bit of advice I offer to young family men out there is to pretend you and your wife are still dating. Give her flowers. Write her love letters. Surprise her every once in a while. Take her on a picnic. And most of all, allow for alone time between the two of you. You must allow for alone time.
Let's break down the above categories, shall we?
Flowers Don't just give your wife flowers on Valentine's Day. Give her flowers on random days just to be a loving husband. Sure, people will hassle you in line at the grocery store.
"Flowers, huh? You in the doghouse? Hate to see what you did to the little woman to have to spend 50 bucks on darned flowers that are just gonna die."
If anyone gives you grief for buying your wife flowers on a nonholiday, don't be ashamed. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Just turn to these men and tell them, "It's my wife's birthday."
Love letters
Write love letters to your wife at least once a month. The written word is much more powerful than the spoken word because your writing means that you took the time to open a dictionary and find those big words that you're going to use in your letter.
Yes, use big, flowery words you never knew existed so as to frill up the letter. Women love frill. If you don't know what "frill" means, then you're not married and you can disregard this whole column.
Surprise her
Surprise your wife with a kiss or an "I love you" every once in awhile. Don't forget you did that stuff before you two got married, and that's one of the big reasons why she wanted to marry you in the first place. You wouldn't want her to stop giving you affection or those back rubs you love so much, now would you?
Picnics
Take your wife on a picnic. Sure, a picnic sounds a little childish, but your wife will love it for its simplicity. Before my wife and I got married, we'd go on picnics just to prove that "the picnic" was still alive. She cherishes those dates to this day.
Unfortunately, our picnics never lasted that long. Bees always attacked our food and us, ants always got into our soda cans, and my clothes were always covered with sweat caused by the unbearable summer heat.
Now that I'm a married man, I still initiate picnics- just to prove that picnics are still alive. My wife and I bring our son along with us these days. Now he attacks our food and us, he gets into our soda cans before we've finished, and I still sweat through my clothes, though now it's because I chase my son the whole afternoon. This brings me to my next point.
Alone time
You must allow for alone time with your wife. Sure, it's great to spend time with your entire family, but you must preserve the love life between you and your spouse. Luckily, my in-laws live down the street and are willing to watch the kid on occasion, so my wife and I get alone time every once in awhile.
Here's a typical date night: Once the in-laws approve the request to watch our boy for a few hours, my wife and I make our plans.
"What should we do?" we ask ourselves. My wife says, "A movie?" And of course I say, "Yes, dear. That'd be great."
My wife and I drop the kid off at the in-laws' place, and we're off to spend some quality alone time together. We find that the movie theater is packed to the roof with people. We stumble upon two seats apart from one another. Then we sit without conversation or physical contact for about two hours and watch other people share romance on the silver screen.
Before the end credits roll, my wife and I are out of our seats and at the inlaws' to collect the kid before he outstays his visit, only to get home and remain awake with the boy for the rest of the night because he's hopped up on sugar the grandparents fed him while we were gone. There's some quality alone time. Right!
I believe I've overstepped my bounds here. Please disregard all of my recommendations and seek professional advice.
E-mail Michael Picarella at pic@theacorn.com.
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