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Marriage no longer top of wish list for thirtysomethings

Date: 2007-04-15

THE surprising news about unmarried women in their mid-30s comes from the Office for National Statistics, which released the figures earlier this week.

In 1990, just one in 10 women was single at the age of 35.

The downward trend corresponds with a change in society with more women choosing to follow a career for longer, the rising cost of buying a home and the growing social acceptance of couples living together instead of getting hitched.

The findings however, seem at odds with the wishes of both men and women with previous polls of both sexes, which claimed that seven out of 10 still aspired to marriage.

Social commentator Robert Whelan said, "If this trend goes on we will soon see a majority of women unmarried in their mid-thirties. What we are seeing is a huge and growing gap between what people want in their lives and what they are getting."

'There are other ways of showing commitment'
Eleri Sion, 36, presenter of Y Briodas Fawr (The Big Wedding) on S4C

"Although we have just started filming for the fourth series, it is quite ironic because I never wanted to get married - even though I am very happy with my partner.

When I am at a wedding, I am always pleased for the couple because that's what they want.

I like seeing people happy, just like everyone else but I wouldn't want to be in their shoes.

I think it's best to go with whatever suits you, as long as you and your partner understand each other.

We have discussed marriage but it is not the most important thing for us.

My brother is getting married this summer and I can see the stress he is under.

I know the wedding day can be the highlight of people's lives but it's not for me, I just can't see the point of it.

I don't think that inviting your friends and family along and saying a few vows in chapel, is necessarily always the best way forward at the beginning of a relationship.

I have seen friends who have been in long-term relationships of up to 14 years go through the angst of splitting up - and they haven't gone into the whole marriage thing.

The most important thing for us is children and we are looking at maybe starting a family.

I am very busy with work at the moment and realise that a child would immediately become our number one priority.

I think starting a family is much more exciting than being dressed up for a day in front of 150 people.

And there are other ways of showing commitment.

We have just bought a house together which is a huge commitment for me as a West Walian."

'Women no longer feel the pressure to marry'
Leanne Davies, 35, a single mother from Newport

At 35, I have never been married, even though I lived with the father of my two children for 11 years. Marriage was something we spoke about briefly from time to time, but never felt it important enough to do anything about it, and we split up in the end anyway.

Children can bring you together, but unless you're together for the right reasons then the pressure that comes with having children is the very thing that will rip you apart.

To me, marriage is important. Not in a financial or material way - I can provide everything I need for my children and myself on my own - but on a more emotional level. I would love to feel so sure of someone that I would want to share the rest of my life with them, and know they feel the same way about me.

For myself, never having been married, I do sometimes worry that I'm going to end up a lonely old spinster, smelling of cabbage and owning 25 cats, but then I think if that's the way it works out, well, that's the way it works out. I hope it doesn't though!

I don't think there's a stigma attached to being a single thirtysomething as it's relatively common these days, and most people have been married at least once by this time in their life.

I don't think women feel the pressure that maybe they once did about getting married. That could be down to many all sorts of factors - greater financial independence, having careers that don't allow them time to have in-depth relationships or even having already been married and not wanting to do it again.

'I don't feel marriage has the same status today'
Jane Cohen, 37, journalist, from Cardiff

"I was an only child and had a very traditional upbringing.

My parents had a really solid marriage - they've now been married for 39 years.

I held the conventional view that if you got married it was for life. Divorce just wasn't an option - whatever happened you worked through it.

How wrong I was having gone through a divorce myself!

I don't feel marriage has the same status today. I think people have a lot more choice and marriage isn't their primary goal.

Having a career is certainly a lot more important and I don't think that's a bad thing.

Travel and education are other things people seem to target first and I think that is fantastic. People should take more time to find out about themselves.

These days there is a lot more equality and both men and women work.

There isn't the stigma attached to divorce anymore.

I still think marriage is a beautiful ideal but not necessarily a realistic goal.

Weddings are enormously expensive. Its hard not to get carried away with the whole thing and forget that the most important thing is the commitment you are making to another person.

I don't believe marriage cements a rocky relationship. You need a deep understanding and connection and that is either there or it isn't. A marriage certificate won't change that.

I am now in a fantastic relationship. We've been together about six months and although we don't live together, we really are best friends and connect on a deep level. I can honestly say I am the happiest I have ever been.

Will I ever get married again? Who knows. Never say never! Life is ephemeral.

As for the whole Bridget Jones thing... I think she is needy and pathetic. Why would any bloke find that attractive? Yuck!





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