|
For nearly 20 years the Internet has been a portal of knowledge, containing everything from scientific breakthroughs to dating sites, where everyone from the fit to the misfit can be found. Having a positive online experience depends on health of mind, what you want, and identifying your boundaries.
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Know what you're looking for and establish healthy boundaries:
First, figure out what you want, and set those boundaries. If you're looking for a relationship, but hook up with a sex junkie, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. And if you're looking for a fling, don't send messages to people who are relationship driven, it's a big turnoff.
So, sift carefully. It is easy to tell someone's intentions by reading their profile. If you're still unsure about what they want, ask questions. And trust your gut. Keep it simple - establish what you want, and search smart.
2. Be real
A really big complaint from most online daters is people portray themselves to be more than who they really are by posting old or manipulated photos, and giving false information.
I set up a profile on a website, advertising the fact that I wanted some input on what it is like to meet people via the Internet. I made it clear I was not looking for a relationship, still a number of men sent me offers, ignoring my request.
I conducted my online dating research at Plenty of Fish, one of the largest dating sites in North America, and this is what some people had to say about their online experiences.
"A lot of people put up pictures and profiles that are a total lie, and when you meet them, and they're nothing like what you think they are. Very disappointing," said 35-year-old Chef, from Monkland, Ont.
Faithforu, 40, from Ottawa, says, "I had one lady contact me online and I saw her for about six weeks. Then I got a phone call from her husband asking for my full name, and where I lived because he wanted to take me to court for breaking up his marriage."
Forty-four-year-old Windjamer, also from Ottawa, does not believe it is possible to meet quality people online.
"A lot of games, and insincerity. Not the best environment to meet," said Windjamer.
If you have to exaggerate everything about yourself to attract people, it's better to just be alone. Guaranteed, the person who meets you will be disappointed by your online deception, and will have a very negative opinion of you. So, don't be a loser.
If you want a mate, don't lie your way to a date. Instead take the time to improve your self-image and confidence before putting yourself out there. If you don't already know it, confidence is a huge turn-on.
3. Date safe
Guard your personal information until you get to know someone. As we know, people have a tendency to deceive, so wait a bit before divulging too much of your personal information and life.
4. Online dating addiction erodes romance
When online dating becomes a numbers game, people are reduced to gambling chips - win or lose - a gamble you want to be careful to make.
Thirty-three-year-old Tired Wings, from Ottawa, is discourged by online dating's dysfunctional ways.
"It is messed up out there and literally I don't think anyone on these sites knows what they want because I think that the 'rules of dating' that any of these sites suggest actually get people so far into the scene that they can't get out and will date millions of people all their life, and never find anyone because they make too many 'friends.'
They are told it's okay to date more than one person at a time, while the whole time they make more and more supposed 'friends,' then the next thing you know they can't figure out who they like," said Wings.
Moral of the story: watch your online dating intake, and remember to focus on the person, not the numbers.
It is possible to find what you're looking for online if it's used wisely, and not as a race track - that's how many people crash.
Good luck, and happy dating!
I have chosen to do a weekly dating column because human relationships are vital. Nobody is exempt from having one. Whether it's casual or serious, we all have an innate desire to have a relationship or relate to others. The dynamics of relating are complex, and vast, and I am here to help clear up any relationship confusion you may have.
We are never an island unto ourselves, and if we're relating healthily there is much satisfaction and growth to be found.
Next week's topic will be about having and attracting successful and harmonious love relationships.
If you are in a healthy committed relationship, or know of people who are, then I'd love to talk to you.
|
