|
Imagine you are a basketball player. You used to be a starter. You were out there during the big plays, winning championships.
But that was 10 years ago. Now, you're comfortable on the bench, sipping an extra cup of Gatorade. Suddenly, the big guy comes over and says, "Get up. You're in the game."
That's how it felt.
I found myself back in the world of singles two years ago, after having been married for just over a quarter of my life (no kids, if you're wondering). I had just moved to Miami - arguably the hottest city for a guy in his mid-30s to rediscover dating.
I just never imagined there were so many rules:
Rules of when to approach a woman and when to flirt with a woman. Rules on how to read signals while on a date, and how to stop yourself from expecting too much too soon. Rules on how to spend the holidays, any holiday, as a single person all of a sudden.
I want to explore those unwritten rules, overblown expectations and misread signals in this column.
Now, don't think I am some master psychologist or match-making guru who in the last two years of dating has cracked the code to success when it comes to the opposite sex. If that were the case, why would I be writing this?
Instead it is the turbulence you experience when you re-enter the singles stratosphere that I want to explore. Like my first dinner date in Miami with a real estate agent. When I picked her up in my Ford Explorer, circa 1996, she asked, "Is this your car? You can't drive this if you want to meet women in Miami."
Maybe it was the fact it had no CD player. Perhaps there were too many newspapers on the back seat. Regardless, it left me with a startling first impression of dating in this new world that would be topped just moments later, after we parked and walked to get sushi.
"Are those the shoes you are going to wear, " she asked, frowning at my black Timberlands that apparently were too scuffed up for her taste. I mean, it's not like I was wearing wooden clogs.
I know not all women are like this, but I am sure some men have heard worse from a woman on a first date along the way. And ladies, I am sure the same holds true for you. So there's plenty to discuss.
A big difference to being single now as opposed to 10 years ago is the Internet - Match. Craigslist. eHarmony. I opened accounts, sent winks and e-mailed a number of women. More on this later.
There's also speed dating, double dating, and blind dates, including the one with a woman who hadn't managed to zip up her dress when I picked her up at her apartment (she had to take a deep breath as I closed her dress). She towered over me as we walked down the street. (Note to self: When online dating, always get a photo.)
When you find yourself single again, whether it's after a short relationship or a long marriage, there's a sense of excitement and fright all rolled into one. The emotions that come with rejection, and then with the pursuit of acceptance, can make you do some really dumb things, like send text messages you shouldn't, make phone calls you really shouldn't, or visit people you really, really shouldn't.
Why do we do these things when we are single and dating? Why do singles ask about your shoes, believe the Internet will bring them the one, and then not understand where it went wrong?
Send me e-mails about your experiences and we'll get down to answering that great mystery - how do singles stay sane in the dating game?
| 
