Dating, offline and online, isn't easy for anyone. But imagine if you were disabled.
Just south of Joliet, Ill., 54-year-old Suzie VanDyke struggles with a painful muscle disease called fibromyalgia. Sometimes, she feels like her neck, shoulders and legs are on fire. When the pain flares up, she's in bed for days at a time.
For 15 years, VanDyke has dealt with fibromyalgia. She tried dating but eventually gave up on it.
"When I would tell people I have this disorder," VanDyke said, "they'd push me aside. I wouldn't get a call again. It's just too much rejection." The big dating Web sites weren't any help, either.
"I don't know any other way to say this," she explained sheepishly, "but those guys are just looking for sex. That's not something I'm looking for. I'm looking for a committed relationship."
Across the country, in a tiny North Carolina town called Arcola, 60-year-old Mike Sotak is paralyzed from the waist down.
In 1987, while learning to be a pilot, his third solo flight resulted in a nose dive into a wheat field.
"It was fun until I hit the ground," Sotak recalled. He undid his seat belt and shoulder harness. "I thought I just had the wind knocked out of me."
It was a lot worse: He had broken his legs, pelvis and hips. His back was broken in 12 places. And his spinal cord was completely severed.
Sotak's wife died in 2003, and dating, especially with able-bodied women, hasn't been easy."I felt they didn't have the compassion or understanding of where I was coming from with my disability, how I have to deal with it on a daily basis."
But now VanDyke and Sotak have found each other.
They met through a Web site called Dating4Disabled.com, which specializes in matchmaking among people who deal with a wide range of disabilities.
Among the 6,000 profiles on the Web site are singles with multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy, spina bifida, cystic fibrosis, stroke recovery, hearing and sight impairment, brain injuries, paralysis, amputation, polio, arthritis, learning disabilities, epilepsy, depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. A number of people identify themselves as "not disabled."
They all have one thing in common: They want to date.
Dating4Disabled.com is operated by a company called Interdate (www.interdate-ltd.co.il) based in Tel Aviv, Israel.
"Basically, our goal was to create an online community for people with disabilities," said Erin Shamberg, who runs Dating4Disabled for Interdate. "We want people with disabilities to have a place to share resources, connect and get to know each other."
In addition to letting users put up profiles with photos and descriptions of themselves, Dating4Disabled allows each of its users to maintain a blog, chat with one another and interact within a message-board setting.
Of its 6,000 members, about 3,000 are in the United States. Membership is free.
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