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Coaches polish first impressions online

Date: 2007-03-28

Bill Doyle was fretting.

Like many others who use online dating services, he could clearly express what he wanted in a mate - but he had trouble coming up with the correct words to describe himself. And even if he could articulate a dead-on description, should he write an autobiography or give everyone the CliffsNotes version?

"I wanted to maximize my profile," says the 29-year-old Palm Coast, Fla., man, who knew he needed more than just the status quo to woo the women.

Doyle enlisted the help of Los Angeles-based Evan Marc Katz, an author and creator of e-cyrano.com, which promises to "make your personal ad more personal."

Katz, who calls himself a personal trainer for love, markets his profile-writing skills to people such as Doyle, those who want more response and have trouble expressing themselves in an original manner. Katz offers three levels of service: silver (profile makeover), gold (profile writing) and platinum (profile from scratch). He emphasizes that the end product is "all in (the client's) words."

Doyle chose the platinum package and hired a professional photographer for his profile shots.

Sure enough, traffic picked up.

Doyle's new screen name, coastalbuffer1 (a play on his location and love for polished cars) and headline ("I tried to think but nothing happened") seemed to draw in the ladies.

"It's very competitive," Doyle says.

Very true.

Gone are the days when you could get by on a bare-bones profile. These days, you have to do better. You have to be bold. You have to stand out. You have to market yourself in much the same way you would for a job interview.

And in some instances, that means you're going to pay.

Katz's packages run from $49 to $199.

'SOMETHING CATCHY'

Here's a peek at Doyle's new profile, featured on Match.com and Yahoo! Personals:

"Folks have always found it very easy to open up to me," it begins. "This dates as far back to when I was still in my stroller. I was dubbed 'the mayor' because of the way I greeted everyone. And while my job doesn't lend itself to shaking hands and kissing babies, my outgoing nature hasn't changed a bit. I'm the guy who takes care of the neighbor's dog, offers a listening ear, and pays the toll for the driver behind him."

He's looking for a woman who is "never afraid to show her pearly whites! Everyone who has met her could tell right away she's an exceptional person . . . She doesn't pass by a 3-day sale but may also not be intimidated by a socket wrench. She reminds me to take my keys and can actually decipher my chicken-scratch handwriting . . . She's patient and listens before replying but won't hesitate to speak her mind or show her stubborn side that may rival mine. She views the glass as always half full."

The idea behind Katz's magic is that profile writers should lose the adjectives and avoid the negativity. Most of all, he says, express everything with a narrative, rather than lists. Sure you're kind, unique and funny, but "not everyone can come up with a story to illustrate that," he says.

Sara Mooney, 30, of Davenport, Fla., has learned that narratives have boosted her online-dating experience. Her profile has morphed each time she has given it a go. Now she adds to it when she thinks it's necessary.

Her profile, on OkCupid.com, goes like this: "Freaking out uncontrollably is typically not in my nature. I know how to properly wash a car, as well as know enough about the workings of one to understand when the guys at the garage are throwing me a line. I'm more comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt but don't mind dressing up when the occasion calls for it. Power tools and sewing machines can be used in the same day."

She also has received a better response as her profile has become more vivid.

"It really is an online advertisement, and you need to think of it as a marketing campaign," Liz H. Kelly, dating coach and author of "Smart Man Hunting," says of profiles.

She predicts that online dating will soon do more to appeal to the senses - sight and sound, to be exact. With the addition of new technology, Kelly expects to see a rise in people posting video and audio of themselves.

"The profile is about getting to the first date," she says. "You want something catchy, not something that puts them to sleep."

KEEP IT SHORT

The biggest downfall, Kelly says, is that online daters give too much information, whether it is about their hobbies or their ex.

Kelly breaks it down to three sections: the user name/headline, introduction essay and photos.

She suggests creative headlines such as "Tapas and Tender Kisses" and "Moonlight and Margaritas."

For the essay, be short and specific. "People don't have long attention spans. Don't write a book," she says. Share things that show your personality.

"This is the appetizer to the entree," she says. "You want to entice them to order more."

A photo is a must, Kelly says. If there's no picture, they've either lied about something dramatically or they're technically challenged, she says. She recommends that daters dress for their pictures as if they were going on a first date, unless they post activity shots, such as hiking or biking.

The standards for online dating change later in life, says Alice Solomon, head honcho of the Gorgeous Grandma club.

Solomon tells her GGs, as she calls them, that men want an online relationship to be "light and casual. They don't want a gal bringing over a casserole on the first date."

She thinks that men should request the first in-person meeting, women should not respond right away to a man's inquiry and women should "fib about their age.

"It's simply the best thing to do psychologically," she says. Then, a woman can reveal her true age in person, Solomon says.

If she wants.

Ian Kerner, an author and spokesman for match.com, says dating is like buying a piece of art. You should be struck by it, instead of walking around with a frame to fit it. So make sure you don't limit yourself with lists, he says.

And when you're finished crafting what is supposed to be the perfect profile, wait.

"I advise people to sleep on it a day or two," Kerner says.---





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