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Today we are going to delve into the depths of myths. We're going to talk about being friends first before dating. This is slightly a controversial issue because so many people are on opposite ends of the spectrum on this. Some believe that it is absolutely necessary to be best friends first and then lovers. Some believe that being friends first ruins it all, and that the only correct way to do it is to date and court first. The courting process will make you better friends. You want to know what my take is on it, don't cha… don't cha? Well, read on!
Today we are going to delve into the depths of myths. We're going to talk about being friends first before dating. This is slightly a controversial issue because so many people are on opposite ends of the spectrum on this. Some believe that it is absolutely necessary to be best friends first and then lovers. Some believe that being friends first ruins it all, and that the only correct way to do it is to date and court first. The courting process will make you better friends. You want to know what my take is on it, don't cha… don't cha? Well, read on!
Let's talk about being friends first. Wow… what a wonderful idea! Spending time with someone and getting to know them better without having to step on eggshells 'cause you're not really trying to impress them. We all know that as lovers you are more considerate of the other person and you try harder to impress him or her. Some would say that being friends first helps you to truly see who the real person is behind the masks that society's pressures create. You can burp around each other. You can see each other at your worst times and not care. You can tell the other person your deep dark secrets. You can even share what you like and don't like about the opposite gender without being afraid of penalties or punishments.
Oh and isn't it just great that since you were best friends first, you have the luxury of knowing him or her so well that you can predict his or her responses to different events?! So knowing people so well helps you figure out if they are the right for you and your future.
Well, that is all great and good, but please be wary. If you are hanging out with someone, you're good friends, and you're just always chillin' and being real, the chance of some sort of real romantic spark is like 40 percent. It's good chance, but it ain't great. Why is it 40 percent? Because one of you has gone so far as to put the other in the brother/sister category, so it would just be weird. I mean, you can try dating, but it would be like dating your stepbrother/sister… EWWWW… gross….
Another reason why the chances are lower is because you only have each other's personality to go off. That's the only thing holding you together. You don't know how good a kisser they are, how good a cuddler they are. Some people, believe it or not, are different when they are in love or in a relationship. Their emotional attachment in that relationship makes them better people and makes them strive to attain new heights. So the person you are getting to know now may be someone different or better when faced with the joys of love. Maybe they're not moody, depressed or angry at the world.
Let's talk about people who are all about being romantically involved first and then evolving into a friendship. It's all about the fire, baby! It's all about love at first sight! Meeting someone, finding them attractive, and investing time and energy in them. How romantic! How chivalrous! Every time you see them, it's like for the first time! Every time you hang out, you find out something new! Yeah… it's like getting a new box of chocolates or new presents every day. Well, what about that day when the new box of chocolates is bitter? What about that day when the new something you uncover is not what you were hoping for? Sucks, huh? Yup….
Let me break it down to you, the Dr. Love way. So I met this girl up north and I found her attractive and witty. We started hanging out and when I was in town, we would go shopping together. She has this addiction for the store BeBe, and I spent most of my time in that store with her or at wherever her shopaholic addiction took her that day. Well, as time progressed, we got really comfortable with each other and came to be very open and honest.
Well, I started seeing that this girl had the audacity to put me in the friend/family category. She started saying things like, “You're so good to me” and I thought, “OK, I can handle that.” But when she pulled out the “you're like my brother” that was it. I am not trying to be in the “brother” category! I've already got five sisters, what do I need with more? I had to nip it in the bud and just be like, “Listen, there is nothing remotely brother/sister about you and I.” As you can see, there are pitfalls to the friend approach.
The best approach is a mix of the two. From the get-go, you've got to let people know you think they are attractive and you'd like to get to know them better. Hang out for a while. Be open about your passions but reserved about things you don't want know about other people. For example, if you have toenail fungus, don't share that fact. It is important to get to know each other but not well enough to repulse each other. It is very important to weave the two together.
Become friends… become romantic… more friends… more romantic… that way, when you lose sight of that twitterpated stage at the beginning, you have friendship to fall back on. And when they burp, you are way too attracted to them to think it's gross. You can't have one without the other. You can't fully mature into a great love without friendship, but you can't do it just with romance either!
Abraham Thiombiano | Dixie Sun Staff Writer
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