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Writing in Shincho 45, Sayaka Kawase, a Southern California-based psychotherapist specializing in international romance and marriage, sets out to answer this question.
Kawase's own interest in this topic was kindled when an American man once remarked to her, "The notion that Japanese women are considered appealing is a myth spun off by the Japanese."
A strong statement indeed, considering he happened to be married to one.
But for Kawase, this remark really hit home. If this gentleman was correct in his assessment, she asks rhetorically, then what factors are responsible for causing Japanese women to fail at international romance?
Perhaps, Kawase suggests, it all boils down to an image problem, caused -- as is so often the case -- by the clash between popular myths and reality. She identifies four such myths that contribute to a stereotyped view: that Japanese women boast an "exotic" appearance; that they are elegant and refined; that they are inclined to devote themselves totally to their man; and that they are yasashii -- a word that encompasses such qualities as gentle, sweet, meek, tender and affectionate.
Take Yoshiko, who resided in the United States. Her musician boyfriend repeatedly cheated on her, so she dropped him for another guy. The ex's reaction was to stalk her unmercifully. Looking out of her office window one day, she saw sheets of paper fluttering downward from the roof. They turned out to be old love letters she'd written to her ex, who was flinging them, a page at a time, from the roof of the building. The contents were highly explicit. She was mortified.
Repeated requests to the police failed to halt his onslaught. Then a pair of empty shoes, his "farewell" note stuffed inside, was found on a nearby beach. Suicide suspected, a helicopter search was mounted. He was found walking alone, barefoot but unharmed. "Oh, god!" she wept in relief, "he's alive!"
In Yoshiko's eyes, all these extreme actions served to confirm what a great guy he was. She left the other man and went back to him. Call it yasashii, taken to the extreme.
For an ordinary Japanese woman who dares to dream of international romance, Kawase warns, a dispassionate evaluation may open her eyes to the fact that to harbor such a dream may be a formula for disaster.
True, male admirers of Japanese femininity may find certain qualities, such as their physical appearance, to be appealing. But it's clear these superficial attractions are not conducive to genuine love. Hence the initial euphoria over making friends with a foreign male does not necessarily ensure a storybook ending.
"In the international romance market, the share values of Japanese women are plunging," Kawase declares. Why? Blame at least part of it on currents in internationalization. As the world becomes increasingly smaller, greater intermingling takes place between people of different races, cultures and creeds. For Japanese women to stand out in the new equation, they'll need to harbor absolute sense of values and convictions as a Japanese. And it is exactly this quality that may be most lacking.
But Kawase has no intention of disparaging her Japanese sisters -- far from it. When compared with women in other countries, she says, Japanese females exhibit remarkable flexibility.
Kawase, having met many Japanese women wed to men of other nationalities, is constantly struck by their efforts to study their man's cultural background and traditions. In this regard, she's convinced that no better women are suited for international romance than Japanese.
"Japanese females rank in the top class when it comes to femininity, vigilant attention and flexibility," Kawase asserts. "They boast tenacity and latent energy, attributes that are Japanese strengths."
So even if their appeal in the international romance market has declined, an infusion of self-administered pride in being Japanese may be all that's needed to initiate a recovery, Kawase concludes.
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