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The tell-tell signs of love, whether it happens at 60 or 16, are all the same. Although a lot changes with age, the desire for and effects of love don’t diminish with time.
“Your heart still flutters,” said Maurice Williams, 68, whose rosy glow gives her away.
There’s no denying it — she’s in love.
“People see me and say, ‘You have a smile on your face — you must be in love,’” Williams said. “I’m still kind of giddy thinking about somebody having an interest in me. It makes me feel like a teenager again.”
Maurice has been dating her beau, Richard Lee, also 68, since August. It began first as a friendship and moved quickly. They’re engaged to be married June 9.
“People ask if we’re rushing things, but I say, ‘when you’re our age, you don’t wait too long,’” Williams said. “You’re not getting any younger.”
Besides, Williams said, by the time you reach their age, you know what you want, and when you see it, you’re a fool to let it get away.
“He was exactly what I wanted,” Williams said of Lee. “I’d set down some guidelines. I told the Lord that I wanted someone who was a Christian, someone who didn’t smoke or drink or have a foul mouth and someone who liked to travel. Everything just fell into place.”
She and Lee knew they were a match, but Williams said love didn’t come easy. Most single seniors agree, saying these years are a challenging time to be on a spouse hunt.
Single at 60
Christopher Hughes, 63, has been married twice. He divorced his second wife more than 20 years ago, and since then has been single and searching for Ms. Right. Even after two marriages, Hughes said he still hopes to find a companion. However, he admitted that, recently, he’s been less aggressive. Dating isn’t what it was 20 years ago, he said.
“I’ve essentially stopped pursuing and looking for someone,” Hughes said. “It’s usually when you stop looking, when you find someone.”
That theory just might be true — it was for Williams and Lee, who met serendipitously. Williams had been divorced 12 years and, like Hughes, had almost completely resigned to living the rest of her life alone. She had all but given up on finding love until, “God dropped RIchard in (her) lap,” she said.
“I told the Lord [a year ago] that if He wanted me to have someone, he’d have to drop him in my lap, because I wasn’t going to go out searching,” Williams said. “And that’s just how it happened.”
Lee was relocating to Kerrville, and Williams was attempting to sell a home in her subdivision. They began as neighbors and friends, and quickly became romantic once the two learned of their similarities. But before meeting her fiancee, Williams rarely dated, because most of her friends were married. Other single seniors, who also were interested in romance, were hard to find.
For seniors, there are few places to go to meet people.
“Earlier in life, and especially in college, there were three women to every man,” Hughes said. “There was never a question or problem finding a girl to go out with.
“Now, all you have are bars and the grocery story. You get to a point when you just don’t want to be out at the clubs and bars anymore,” Hughes said. “I use to go out to the Inn of the Hills or other places, but I just can’t stand that anymore. That’s a scene that’s played one too many times.”
Dawn Wollney, 61, agreed. Her husband died nearly four years ago. She’s ready to start dating again, but said her biggest challenge as a senior is knowing where to go to meet someone. So, in December, she organized a senior singles group — K.I.S.S., which stands for Kerrville Independent Senior Singles — as a way for older adults to meet other un-attached friends and possibly more.
“I wanted to let people know that you don’t have to be alone, and that there’s someone for them,” Wollney said. “Everyone would be in the same boat; we’re all looking for someone.”
Dating again — some for the first time
Wollney was married at 15, so like many seniors who suddenly find themselves alone later in life, she is dating for the first time ever.
“I was married all my life, so I don’t know what to do anymore,” Wollney said. “It’s the same with a lot of other women.
“When we get together, we laugh and giggle like we’re teenagers,” Wollney said. “It’s so much fun playing games together, and we can be ourselves. That’s the environment we’d like to meet men in — not out at the bars.”
A common complaint among single senior woman is the apparent lack of single men. Wollney said the ration of men to women who have signed up for the singles group, so far, is 1 to 5.
“Kerrville doesn’t have that many single men; there’s a lot of us women,” Wollney said. “I don’t know if the men are afraid, or if they’re really are fewer of them,” she said. “I think they’re just out numbered.”
Although she doesn’t have dating experience on her side, Wollney said age has its advantages. The biggest benefit, she said, is maturity and the better defined and more realistic expectations that come with it. At 61, she knows what she wants.
“I want a Christian man with good values — one that will be a companion and would like to go to museums and theaters and try different things,” she said.
Hughes said he, too, is a better judge of who would make the right mate.
“By the time you get to this age, you’ve learned what hasn’t worked, as well as what works, and you know you have to find someone that enjoys what you do,” he said.
Both Wollney and Hughes agree age has made them more agreeable and better willing to consider others above themselves.
“I’ve also learned that you can’t have everything your way,” Wollney said. “By now, you’ve learned it’s give and take, and that you have to be able to look at the other person and what they want. Those things are what make a relationship work.”
She may be more mature, but hasn’t kept her completely grounded her when it comes to romance. Just as a love-struck teenager, Wollney’s age hasn’t affected her fluttering heart or inevitable butterflies at the thought of potential romance. She admitted she still gets nervous thinking about approaching a man, and her heart races at the thought of a first date — especially if she thinks she could be attracted to the man.
Chemistry still matters
After 50, many people assume that certain elements of romance no longer matter — namely attraction and physical intimacy. That assumption, these seniors said, is absolutely false. Although many seniors seek partners primarily for the security of a companion at the end of life, they too want and expect romance.
“I still have an idea of what I consider an attractive woman, and really, I’m still looking for that,” Hughes said. “Even at this age, I’m still trying to put all the right things together. I think as long as you’re single, you’re still going to be looking for that person.
“But, your priorities get reordered,” he added. “You don’t have to have the physical gratification as much. It’s still important, but it becomes more important that you enjoy someone’s personality and being with them.”
As far as attraction goes, Williams said looks still play a part — even now that she’s found her man.
“You’re not looking for the 20-year-old anymore, but attraction still is important,” WIlliams said. “You still like to fix up and look nice when you go out. I like hearing his compliments.”
There are some things that seem to be true for all singles, regardless of age. One is that everyone — especially couples — seem to have advice. Wollney said her daughter tells her she needs to “flirt more.”
“My daughter tells me, ‘mom’, you need to get our there and flirt,” Wollney said. “But I don’t know how to flirt; it feels silly.”
Hughes said his daughter tells him he’s too picky.
“Most of the women my age seem to be too old,” Hughes said. “Mentally, I’m about 25 or 30 years old. That’s the way I feel. That’s my outlook on life.”
He admits his standards are high, but whether your young or old, there’s no reason you should settle, Hughes said.
“My daughter says I’m too picky, or that I’m too critical,” Hughes said. “I’m sure she’s right, but I’ve been through two marriages. They were both really fine women, but wrong for me.
“As what your looking for becomes more defined, you also realize that you may not be the most desirable creature at the same time,” Hughes said.
Companion to the end
Hughes said he suspects most single seniors probably feel like they’re racing against time. Women, he speculated, are most interested in the security of a husband. His greatest desire, however, is companionship. In dating, he said he’s found it’s most important to be upfront about expectations — especially at this age, when there seems to be more to lose.
“Young people have energy and vitality and are more willing to stick their neck on the line,” Hughes said. “But older people are looking for security, and tend to get more guarded in relationships as this age.”
As Williams prepares for her wedding in June, she said she is most grateful to know she’ll have someone with whom she can grow old.
“I think you feel a little more secure when you have a mate, especially when you get older,” she said. “You want someone to go the doctor with you and to go the hospital with you when those things arise. It’s comforting to have someone there with you. But that’s all part of what love is — it’s companionship and commitment.
“That’s why character is so important when looking for a mate at this age,” WIlliams said. “What attracted me to Richard were the things we had in common, but his character is what I fell in love with — his integrity, his softness and his gentleness that I love. That’s why I’m marrying him.”
By Carlina Villalpando
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