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Javier is a 20-something-year-old bachelor, an expert in the nature of the modern man. Week by week, he will clue you in on what men really want - and what really goes on in those heads of theirs.
SO my friend, let's call him Mac, has a real bad problem. He's been telling me every time we've spoken for the past few weeks that he's disillusioned with women. No he isn't thinking about making a sexual 180 or anything like that, but he's lost faith in having successful relationships with women.
As he explains it, he doesn't see why he should get worked up over a girl when sooner or later they all start showing their bad habits and imperfections, and basically start making the relationship more work than it is fun. That said, according to Mac, what's the point in chasing so hard after women, when all you're doing is taking a giant step towards another hassle in your life?
Mac's problem bothers me. It bothers me a whole lot. You see when we were growing up and getting into the relationship scene, Mac used to give me inspiration. He was that guy who could always get any and every girl, and he made it look easy; made it look like there was some formula I could study and I would be just as successful. I never for a second thought someone like him could get caught unawares with women, let alone disillusioned.
And every time he brings it up I tell him he has to take the good with the bad and just hold out 'til he meets the girl. Problem is he's not interested in chasing after them like in his heyday so he probably won't be meeting that woman any time soon. And every woman he meets who isn't 'that' woman will only end up contributing to him getting even more disillusioned.
Since I don't want to see my friend, or any other man becoming a hermit out of disillusionment with women, I decided to take some time and think about it and try to develop a solution. So I went in my room of solitude, which doubles as my bathroom, and while listening to the soothing sound of running water - from my tap in case your minds are in the toilet - and, bent up like a Tibetan monk, I cogitated on it.
At first it seemed that Mac's situation was like any other person who had been jilted too many times in a relationship, and that I should just talk about women taking care about how they leave men. But I wasn't satisfied with that.
It really seemed like Mac was from a new relationship category that I made up called the 'Mr/Ms Right, right now'. People in this category bear some resemblance to the people in the 'soulmates only' category (I talked about them in a previous article) in that they don't believe that they have to actually work hard at relationships.
Like I've said before, persons in the 'soulmates only' club tend to avoid relationships unless they are with persons who they think they can have that forever love with. And while they are in these relationships they expect that their partner, by virtue of being their soulmate, will never do anything that they don't approve of so they don't have to worry about working on the relationship. The upside with these people is that they tend to have lofty, mystical ideas about love so they can change their ways if they love their partner enough.
The people in the 'Mr/Ms Right, right now' category on the other hand have no problems starting relationships, and for them the central focus within each relationship is happiness. In their eyes happiness = love = a good relationship, and as
long as they are happy then their partner is Mr or Ms Right.
However, when things start to get sticky and they start to lose happiness, the possibility that the person they are currently with is not Mr or Ms Right dawns on them and this is too much to bear. So rather than try to work on the relationship they start to look outwards for someone who is their real soulmate because their current relationship isn't good enough for them any more.
Depending on how many times they have gone through this process, people in this category can, like Mac, get disillusioned. But the only remedy for them is to join me in the real world where relationships take hard work and you won't always be in love with your partner. Just ask any couple that has been married for more than a decade.
The relationship ride isn't always fun but you'll definitely learn a lot for taking it all the way to the end. Remember men, only the strong survive relationships.
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