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I was having lunch recently with Victor Greto, who is a coworker and our newest blogger, when we started talking about dating. Specifically, who should pay for a date.
Victor, along with most of my more gentlemanly male friends, said he believes the man should always pay for the date regardless of who did the asking out (yes ladies, he’s single and available). Yet the men I know say they really appreciate it when a woman at least goes through the motions of offering to pay. Why? Besides proving that she’s not in it for the free filet mignon, the offer indicates that she would approach a relationship ready to pull her own weight. A show of partnership, if you will.
It all seems so confusing, doesn’t it? The rules of dating etiquette are completely lost on most of us, especially these days when casual dating can be anything from hanging out at a dive bar, going on a hike or the more traditional dinner-and-a-movie combo.
What’s a girl, or a guy, to do? Victor suggested I ask an expert.
He recently interviewed a lovely woman named Joan Stokely for a feature article. Stokely, owner and president of The Society of Diplomacy Inc. in West Chester, Pa., teaches programs and lessons on etiquette, from business diplomacy to formal social skills. Ms. Stokely obliged me with a quick question-and-answer on dating etiquette, one of her favorite topics:
Q. Who should pay for a date?
A. The person who asked for the date should pay. This follows the general rules of etiquette.
Q. What is most appropriate thing to wear for a first date of, say, dinner and a movie?
A. You want to make a great first date impression, so dress-up for the occasion. Guys should wear collared shirts and nice trousers or khaki's, good shoes - no sneakers. Jeans are less impressive. Girls should dress with femininity in mind. A nice quality skirt or pants and pretty sweater or blouse is a good choice. Nothing too revealing. Nice shoes - preferably not flip flops or sneakers.
Q. What is the proper way to end a great date?
A. A great date should end with a kind gesture. You don't want to be too familiar. You want to keep some mystery in the relationship.
Q. What is the best way to end a terrible date when you know you don’t want to see the person again?
A. Be polite, but direct. No false promises; no leading on.
Q. What do you think of the “wait three days before calling” rule?
A. I think the "wait three days" is a game of sorts. If you are playing hard to get, there are other ways to do that. If you are interested in calling....call.
Q. At what point should your boyfriend/girlfriend be introduced to your friends/family?
A. Introductions to family and friends does not necessarily mean "this is really serious" and you should say that if you are planning to introduce someone to your family or friends. Set up the meeting so there are no false pretenses and no false expectations.
ByJoan Stokely
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