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If you're single and foolish enough to include finding romance in your New Year's Resolutions, Valentine's Day feels a little like being kicked when you're down.
The problem is the date -- Feb. 14, just six weeks from New Year's. Who can be expected to find somebody in six weeks? It's winter. How do you do the holding-hands test when you're wearing mittens?
Since I'm writing on relationships, I have to do research, which means going out with a lot of women. It means sacrificing my Saturday-night sock-matching sessions, but for you, dear readers, I'm willing to go the distance.
Here are three things I've learned:
1Dating is a skill: If you aren't used to them, dates can feel weird. That's because they ARE weird. No matter how confident you are in other areas of your life, it's normal to be thrown off at first. Dating is a game where every player was issued a different set of instructions.
The trick is learning to play by someone else's rules without violating any of your own.
The good news is you get better with practice. The bad news is practice is the ONLY way you can get better. So gird your loins, beginners, you're in for a bumpy haul. Which brings me to . . .
2Have fun: Everybody has their own idea of a successful date. Some people are just happy to get out of the house on a Friday night. Others aren't satisfied unless they know they've found The One They Can't Live Without.
And that's fine. But when you're on the date, it's helpful to let go of what you want and focus on the person in front of you. Because chances are, he or she is pretty cool. Most people are. And even the crazies make for entertaining stories. That being said . . . have your own transportation. Just in case.
3Take nothing personally: If he doesn't call, it doesn't matter. If she says she isn't ready for a relationship that's fine.
Yes, it's disappointing when things don't work out. Sure, it's natural to have doubts about yourself. You may even wonder if there's something wrong with you. But single or not, you're still a worthwhile person, a person whose worth does not depend on the validation of a romantic partner.
Follow my rules and you'll do fine. Either that or discover someone special and let things happen naturally. Both methods are fine. It's not like anyone is keeping score.
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