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Every day, thousands of people send their pleas for companionship out into cyberspace, hoping for a connection.
Match.com representative Maida Goodman said more than 60,000 new members sign up at the Web site every day — and the numbers go up this time of year.
“We always see a spike in traffic from New Year’s through Valentine’s Day on our site,” Goodman said. “The day after Valentine's Day is very strong, and it stays strong for another week or so.”
The eHarmony Web site boasts 10,000 to 15,000 new members every day.
Goodman said the dating Web sites provide easy access to a lot of information about other singles, taking much of the guesswork out of the process.
“(They) allow you to narrow your choices to those who share your interests, hobbies and lifestyle choices,” she said. “Online dating is a great way for people to meet potential romantic interests without spending time at bars or being set up on blind dates.”
A perfect match
Bernadette Peters was studying for a degree in counseling psychology at the University at Buffalo when she turned to online dating as a matter of convenience.
“I am always on the computer,” she said. “I thought, ‘I’m really busy, why not meet someone online?’ ”
She started using eHarmony, but “I didn’t like that at all,” she said. She met two people who really didn’t match their profiles at all.
Unlike other dating services, eHarmony does not let members search for other members — using the information supplied during the enrollment process, eHarmony determines
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what people a user can contact.
“It’s complicated, and for all the work you put into it, I don’t think they do a good job matching,” Peters said.
In fact, one of the matches eHarmony recommended for her ended up being someone she already knew, which she said was surprising.
“I just really disliked this person,” she said. “We’d be a horrible, horrible match.”
She then turned to Match.com in late 2004, after she said four women in her Ph.D. program said they met their spouses and fiancees there.
The first person she started talking to on Match.com was Bob Confer.
Confer said he had been on the site for a few weeks before he came across Peters’ profile.
“It beats going to bar after bar after bar trying to find someone,” he said. “Someone could look for love right from their home.”
Peters’ list of interests is what drew Confer to her initially, he said.
“She had some sort of mention there about the outdoors, liking the outdoors,” he said. “And she was working on her doctorate. I thought, ‘Someone to have a conversation with!’”
Confer had set up his own profile on Match.com with an out-of-state zip code to prevent people locally from finding him and to give him more control over who he talked to.
“The only other zip code I knew was 90210, from the Beverly Hills show, so I used it to mask my profile locally,” he said. “That way I was the one doing the hunting.”
The pair talked online for a few weeks before meeting for dinner at Applebee’s in Williamsville.
“In person, he was great. We talked for three or four hours on our first date,” Peters said. “I remember meeting one of my best friends (afterward) and I was telling her all about it.”
“She was the total package to me,” Confer, a regular columnist for the US&J, said. “She had a positive outlook on life, she was intelligent, she had good values, was family oriented.”
Six months later, Confer proposed to Peters in Clearwater Beach, Fla. The wedding is planned for September.
“Our relationship is still as strong as ever, proving that Internet love can work,” Confer said.
International Connections
The eHarmony Web site boasts members in all 50 states and more than 200 countries. Match.com claims to represent more than 240 countries, with sites in 18 different languages — giving members the opportunity to meet people they probably wouldn’t encounter otherwise.
James Montanari, son of Donna Montanari of North Tonawanda, found online love with a woman on the other side of the globe.
James is in the U.S. Air Force. He was stationed in Tokyo in Dec. 2004, and transferred to Baghdad in April 2005.
When in Baghdad, James Montanari met a Japanese girl, Emi Suzuki, through the popular networking site MySpace, where they began building their relationship.
James was transferred back to Tokyo in Sept. 2005, and in Oct. 2005, he met Emi face-to-face for the first time.
The relationship they had built online, halfway across the world, solidified itself. The couple has already discussed preliminary marriage plans, Donna Montanari, James’ mother said.
The couple will wait to continue their plans until Emi graduates from college next March, and James is stationed in Tokyo until Dec. 2008.
Donna had the chance to meet Emi last year, she said.
“Oh, she’s a cute little girl,” she said. “She speaks English pretty well. And my son is picking up Japanese.”
James has told his mother he’s not leaving Japan without Emi, Donna Montanari said.
The couple is still too young for marriage plans in Donna Montanari’s eyes - James turns 21 in May, Emi turns 22 in April - but that isn’t the most important thing, she said.
“Hey, as long as they’re happy together,” she said.
Cautionary Tales
For some, the shelter of anonymity and the ease of deception makes online dating a scary place.
The lie could be as innocent as using an old photograph in an online profile, something Peters encountered while using eHarmony.
“One guy, he put up his high school graduation picture,” she said. “When I met him, he had gained 50 pounds, and he had salt and pepper hair. I don’t want to be superficial, but he looked nothing like (his photo).”
In the case of Brian Barrett, a 22-year-old Town of Lockport man who was shot and killed last year, the lies told in a tangled online romance may have led to his death.
Barrett had been conversing with a West Virginia woman, who was passing herself off as an 18-year-old though she was actually in her mid-40s. The woman was also chatting online with Thomas Montgomery, 47, of Cheektowaga, who worked with Barrett at Dynabrade Corporation in Clarence.
Montgomery’s jealousy allegedly led him to shoot Barrett on Sept. 15, as Barrett sat in the front seat of his truck in the Dynabrade parking lot. His body was discovered two days later.
Montgomery was arrested and charged with second-degree murder on Nov. 27. His trial is set for June 4.
Barrett, Montgomery and the West Virginia woman reportedly used MySpace, Yahoo! Messenger and Pogo.com to communicate.
Erie County Assistant District Attorney Ken Case said Montgomery, a married father of two, told the woman that he was an 18-year-old Marine about to be shipped to Iraq. In turn, she sent him gifts through the mail, including custom dog tags and “undergarments,” Case said.
It appears that Barrett, a 2002 graduate of Starpoint High School and a student at Buffalo State College, was truthful about his identity when talking with the woman, whose name has not been released. Erie County Sheriff Thomas Howard has said the nature of Barrett’s correspondence with the woman was romantic.
The New York State Consumer Protection Board last week released a list of “Dating Service Do’s and Don’ts,” encouraging people to be wary of people they meet online.
The CPB encourages people to do some digging about the person, using search engines to verify and gather information.
People are also encouraged to keep personal information private and watch out for possible dates who demand too many identifying details.
For a first date, the board recommends meeting in a public place.
Peters said she was always careful when going on a first date with someone she met online, even when she met her future fiancee.
“I would always drive myself. I never let anybody know where I lived,” she said. “Bob didn’t even know my last name.”
Goodman said Match.com users are encouraged to move slowly with potential matches, using caution and common sense.
“Meet when you are ready,” Goodman said. “Watch for red flags, meet in a safe place and take extra caution outside your area.”
Goodman also recommends couples talk on the phone before meeting and request photos other than the ones in the user’s profile.
The CPB said scam artists often prey on people looking for love online, using sexy photographs and declarations of love to woo people into handing over money or gifts.
Web users are urged to be wary of people who ask for bank account information or ask for a small loan or to cover plane fare.
Peters said while she knows there are dangers out there, she’s still optimistic about the future of online dating.
“I would encourage people, especially women, to be cautious. Keep good boundaries and not share personal information until they really know someone,” she said. “But it can work.”
Contact April Amadon at 439-9222, Ext. 6251.
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