|
I met Peter in the excite.com personals. I was 19, in college, and we'd just discovered messenger, Napster and online dating. His profile said he wanted a travel companion, I wanted to travel, and we started writing to each other.
Months later, we met in the Cayman Islands, me, for the first time meeting this American man, who I only knew over the Internet and through phonecalls. He turned out not to be a freak, a nut or anyone with perverted tendencies. He was a normal man who liked my writing and I liked his music. Today I have a place to stay if I'm ever visiting California.
I met Gary when he critiqued a newspaper article I'd written, and we started chatting online. He liked the way I looked, I thought he was a cool Jamerican. When he visited Jamaica some months later, I flew to Mobay to meet him, we had dinner, chatted, and then I returned home. We've stayed friends.
I've been on match.com and all the other 'cheesy' dating websites. I've been propositioned by geeks, peculiar and weird people, both in local, regional and international chatrooms. I've talked to a few nice ones on the phone, on messenger, and I've met a few, here, and abroad.
If I'm ever on the hunt for a mate again, the Internet is the first place I'd consider looking.
And yes, I think I'm a normal, ok-looking, intelligent girl who hasn't lost all of her marbles.
But, from the discussions that have followed the recent case where a woman went missing after she went to meet someone she'd met through one of these dating services, I realise that people like myself are considered strange. Oddballs. The type of people obviously lacking something since we can't seem to find love in the real world.
What a shocker.
Because from my experience, this Internet love thing is not as strange a phenomenom as some people think. Millions of people do it. Millions of normal people. The girl in the cubicle next to you. The guy you ride beside on the bus, the woman who serves you your burger - all the seemingly rational people you know.
Most of us who make the foray into cyberspace know to follow the rules. We know to meet in an area with lots of people, we know to do the background checks. We know. And then we treat the experience as we would any other dating encounter.
And sometimes there's success.
Two friends of mine got married two years ago, after meeting through an Internet dating site. A friend of mine is engaged and just had a baby for a man she met online, there are countless success stories.
And strange ones too.
A girlfriend of mine had the misfortune of being propositioned by every kook that signed up on match.com. There was the one who told her that he was always seeing swirls of colours; the one who told her he wanted her to come to Ohio to have his babies; and the cowboy who sang off-key to her on the telephone. I've had my share too, but you take the bad with the good.
Because, God forbid, you should nix the whole online thing and try a bit of offline dating. Yes there are online predators, but many don't compare to the ones you meet in the real world on a daily basis.
God forbid, because your real-world options are so limited, you should take the man who propositions you on the bus, the weirdo on your avenue, or the pervert at your workplace seriously.
Online dating allows you to CHOOSE who you want. It allows you to make specifications, to accept and discard based on your own set of rules. And it opens up a whole new world of opportunities that limiting yourself to dinner and a movie with the cute guy next door doesn't.
So don't knock it 'till you've tried it. After all, you can always delete the dingbat you get weary of from your messenger list. But you can't get rid of him so easily when you're staring him in the face can you?
BY Petula Clarke
| 
