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Nearly four of every 10 children born last year in the United States were to unmarried women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The share of those births involving teenage mothers has dropped. It's women in their 20s and 30s who increasingly are becoming mothers, often by choice, without having husbands.
Stacy Zabinski was 34 and Megan Gambill 28 when they decided they were ready to start families.
There was just one hitch. Neither was married or even seriously involved in a romantic relationship.
What follows are stories of nontraditional parenthood, happy endings for two responsible women with love to spare and homes awaiting the laughter of children.
SINGLE MOTHERS BY CHOICE
Stacy Zabinski grew up in Canton. Following graduation from Kent State University, she took a teaching job in Phoenix, Ariz. By the time she hit her early 30s and had not found Mr. Right, she began to think about becoming a single mother.
She researched an organization called Single Mothers by Choice, and "I got checked to make sure I was OK, healthy and stuff," said Zabinski, a first-generation American daughter of Ukrainian immigrants. "At the time, ... because I was single, I had to go to a psychologist to see that I was mentally OK and not doing it for the wrong reasons.
"The psychologist said I was more prepared than married people."
She had paid off her car and other debts. The doctor told her artificial insemination could take as long as a year. "I figured I'd have him in the summer and take no time off. Well, I got pregnant the first time. So I was pregnant in July, and Chris was born in March."
During her pregnancy, after reading about a pregnant single teacher in a Catholic school being fired, she contacted her union, but was assured her job was secure.
"I had a couple of male teachers who said, 'How dare you raise somebody without a father,'" she recalled.
"I like kids. I'd love to be married but, hey, nothing happened, and I was 34. ... I'm not going to get married just so I can have kids.
"When Christopher was born, he looked just like my father. He was the first grandson, and he'll carry on the Zabinski name. When I brought him back to Ohio to be baptized, my father just melted."
Chuckling, she recalled the wish list she gave her doctor. "I wrote down 6 feet tall, blond and blue eyes, and I got nothing" - but the doctor tried to match her physical characteristics.
"My skin is olive, and I have blue eyes. The donor is dark-haired with hazel eyes, and that's what my son has. They told me he was Russian, and that he was a successful entrepreneur," she said.
A new arrival
She came back to Ohio because of her extended family.
When Chris was younger, he was satisfied with his mother's explanation that she truly wanted a child and that he was her "little miracle."
"As he got older, it did bother him. He wanted me to just get married. I told him, 'You do realize if I marry somebody, you may not like them, but it will be because I like them.' He just tells people he doesn't have a dad."
Today, Chris is nearly 19 and a college student. Four years ago, he had to make room in his life for a sibling. His mother adopted a little girl from Kazakhstan.
Again, she researched, found an agency she trusted and learned that, in order to adopt in Kazakhstan, Americans must spend two weeks there with the children.
"That made me think they really care about your kids. In other countries, you see a video and see them for one or two days," she explained.
Zabinski nearly adopted a 5-year-old girl but, at the last minute, the child's grandmother claimed her.
"I was devastated. ... But they sent more videos including one of a girl who was not quite 2 yet. She was not talking. I had a doctor take a look at the video and he said she could be high-strung but she was OK," she recalled.
In October 2003, Zabinski traveled to Kazakhstan and began her daily one-hour drive outside the city to visit with the little girl. She was in an orphanage, known as "a baby house." Her caregivers said she had been abandoned there. After an all-day session before a judge, Zabinski officially adopted the little girl known as Saule. Saule remains her middle name; her big brother felt Emily was an apt first name.
The transition from the Kazakhstan baby house to her new Massillon home was not seamless.
"She was terrified of everything. I had to get in the bathtub with her. She was scared of noises. We couldn't even turn the dishwasher on. She had bad dreams for about six months, too," her mother said.
Today, the spunky youngster is a tomboy who loves purple and pink. Emily often asks her mother to tell her the story of her arrival.
"I tell her Chris grew in my belly, and she grew in my heart. "
INNER CITY TEACHER MAKES A COMMITMENT
By the time she was 28, Megan Gambill of Mentor had experienced much of what life had to offer. She has bachelor's and master's degrees and teaches in Cleveland's inner city. Gambill nurtured many of her students who were part of the foster-care system. She raised a younger sister, Alex, then 12, when their mother died.
Alex graduated and headed off for college.
And "at that point in my life, I had done everything I had wanted, and I hadn't found Mr. Right but was ready to be a mom. I just decided I'm going to start my family by adopting. ... I went into foster care knowing that children could have a lot of issues," she acknowledged.
Rhys came to her when he was just 2 days old. Ryan arrived at 5 1/2 months. Gambill credits her success to a "wonderful network of family and friends who are so supportive."
Rhys, 5 1/2, and his sister Ryan, 1 1/2, are multiracial and biracial, respectively.
Rhys' biological mother had eight children. Ryan was the fourth child born to a 29-year-old. Once a month, the Gambill family visits Ryan's siblings in their adoptive home.
Gambill said the woman who adopted most of Rhys' siblings has not yet consented to visits.
"Both biological mothers of the children I adopted, there was drug use. But today they are happy, healthy and developmentally on-target kids."
For her, mothering two children is the perfect situation.
"My children want for nothing," she said. "I'd love to take on every kid and take them out of the situation they're in, but you have to know your limitations."
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