|
Love should never hurt and love should not be about fear. Hundreds of people in Montana live in fear with their partners who emotionally and/or physically abuse them. Many of them die every year from injuries they suffer from their partners. The children in these relationships also suffer. Love Without Fear Week is a time to remember the pain and loss inherent in families torn by violence, and also to focus on the ultimate goal of “love without fear” in intimate relationships everywhere.
Love Without Fear Week began as Love Without Fear Sunday at the Abused Women's Resource Closet, now the Abused Adult Resource Center, in July 1979. Bonnie Palecek, who was Director at that time, came up with the idea in response to many questions about “what do women really want?” out of relationships and questions about why women stay in abusive relationships (see end of article). In 1980, the commemoration was moved to Valentine's Day. Love Without Fear Sunday became Love Without Fear Week, and activities focus on churches, fundraisers, volunteer recognition and memorial vigils.
Domestic violence includes spouse/partner abuse, child abuse, child sexual abuse, and elder abuse. The abuse can be verbal, emotional, sexual, physical, and/or social. It ranges from insults, put-downs, slaps, kicks, and punches to choking, beating, use of a weapon, stabbing, and shooting.
Children who witness domestic violence in the home not only suffer physical, emotional and mental drawbacks, also are the next generation of victims and perpetrators because domestic violence is a learned behavior that filtrates down from parent to child again and again.
Love Without Fear Week is the week of Valentine's Day every February. Take a moment to pause and remember someone you know who lives with, or has lived with, domestic violence, or if you don't know anyone who has, remember that chances are very likely that sometime in your life, you will come in contact with domestic violence in some way. There should never be fear in love.
If you've ever wondered why a woman would stay in abusive relationship, here are just a few of the reasons:
“Not realizing it is "abuse."
"No one else would ever love me.”
"I deserved it; I'll do better."
"I can keep it from happening again."
"He's really sorry, and it won't happen again."
"I know I make him sound terrible, but he's really a good person most of the time."
"He didn't mean to hurt me."
"No one else understands him the way I do."
"But I love him."
"He isn't hurting the children; if he ever did, I'd leave."
"I can't support the children on my own."
"He'll kill me if I try to leave him."
Emotional dependence
Fear of greater physical danger to themselves and their children if they attempt to leave
Fear of emotional damage to children
Fear of losing custody of children
Lack of alternative housing
Lack of job skills
Social isolation resulting in lack of support from family or friends and lack of information regarding alternatives
Fear of involvement in court processes
Cultural and religious constraints
Fear of retaliation
Having no money - abuser controls finances
Insecurity over potential independence and lack of emotional support
Guilt about failure of marriage or relationship
Fear that husband/partner is not able to survive alone
Belief that husband/partner will change
Ambivalence and fear over making formidable life changes
~Dawn Olivo,
| 
