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Saudi culture focuses on certain basic values in family life. Some state that women must live in a state of constant fear and worry. They should never place too much trust in their men who might always marry a second wife. According to this line of thinking, women must be under tremendous psychological and mental pressures investigating and interrogating their husbands. Of course a woman does suffer psychological and mental torture. Doesn’t matter. She’s only fulfilling her obligations as a wife. But if she starts to trust her husband and believes that he’s never going to think of marrying another woman then she’s jeopardizing the stability and unity of her family.
In fact, Saudi culture assumes that the woman is an underage creature lacking in mental and psychological maturity. A woman, in the eyes of society, is just a troublesome child who needs continuous discipline, monitoring and terrorizing if she is to discharge her duties. The perfect wife is the one who is paranoid and suspicious of her husband — always dreading the moment he’ll marry another woman. In other words, without such direct or implied threat from her husband she can never be a devoted, loving or caring wife.
Undoubtedly, the reality of our society supports this idea. There are actually women who were brought up normally until it became part of their psychological and mental structure. Some might even escalate things and say that when a husband is good and decent he has a weak character. That’s why the wife abuses him and destroys his peace of mind employing different techniques. These women believe that the ideal husband is one who terrorizes and insults his wife, which is something they learned from their surroundings.
That’s why men who show some sort of respect and understanding toward their women end up suffering the worst kind of attitudes from their wives who make a huge fuss of even minor things. That’s why problems within families are so common in our society. You find each individual trying to blame the other without trying to reach a reasonable or sensible solution. Divorce rates are going up, problems are worsening and the same scenarios are being repeated in every generation. Nobody seems to be learning any lesson from other people’s experiences.
Here it is worth mentioning that psychological and social studies prove that feelings of trust and protection are very important in making each partner do his or her best to make the other happy. How can a woman nourish and protect her husband, family and household when she’s under the threat of losing her man to another woman? When a woman is terrorized in such way she will start underestimating her husband and children because she’ll be so confused that she does not know what to do. People say that a woman cares about love first and foremost, which is true, but she can’t love or be loved if she’s living constantly in fear and suspicion.
Pakistani and Afghanistan communities are known as the most oppressive when it comes to treating their womenfolk. And I’m addressing the social aspects of communities where a large group of men think that when they marry a woman they are actually buying her just like they buy a sheep or a slave. A woman in the eyes of men in such societies is a person devoid of any emotion, a person who doesn’t feel pain. Why? Men in such societies simply believe they’re superior to women.
A man with such twisted thinking and sick mind attempts to frighten and terrorize his wife, eventually crushes her spirit and then loses his peace of mind and comfort as a consequence. A wounded woman can never give love or be devoted even if she tries to fake her emotions. And if she does pretend that she loves him she will do that just to avoid him running into the arms of a new woman. Her fake emotions won’t stop her from secretly taking revenge for herself.
The Saudi wife is living through a terrible nightmare, especially with the deterioration in ethical standards a large segment of our society is undergoing. She feels safe neither with her husband nor with the community. Everyone is waiting for her to commit some mistakes or reveal some shortcomings to take advantage of her. This malaise afflicts only those women who waste their time and energy thinking negatively about the future. On the other hand those who dedicate themselves to their husbands and take every opportunity to express their love and loyalty to their husbands live in peace. Nowadays, some girls prefer to stay single. Women don’t want to get married because they no longer need the financial support like they used to do in the past; the majority now are either educated or working and they’re financially independent. But if and when a woman thinks of marriage, she wants to feel loved and cared for. When they believe that they will only become miserable and stressed after marriage why should they take the risk?
A man who collects women like collecting chicken and treats them like animals is a heartless beast. In communities that respect human beings this type of men can be prosecuted and imprisoned. And that is not necessarily in Western communities because some Arab and Islamic countries prohibit polygamy because it damages a woman and her children, and therefore, the entire society. Some other countries prohibit forcing a woman into sexual relations with her husband because this humiliates a human being.
— Dr. Maha Al-Hujailan is a medical researcher at King Khaled University Hospital in Riyadh.
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