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DATING used to be so simple and straightforward — romantic, even. You'd spot someone across the room. Your eyes would meet. You'd glide toward each other, exchange repartee and dance the night away, heading back to your place for a good old-fashioned kiss goodnight.
After a few dates, you'd get involved, become an item and then move in together. It was just the two of you, the happy couple. The world has changed and so has dating. Today, it's no longer just the two of you. It's always a threesome — you, him and that all-intrusive Technology. It's what I call "Ménage à Tech."
The Ménage à Tech has invaded every stage of dating. First, you log on to Internet dating sites. After perusing a gigabyte of singles, e-mailing and IM-ing for weeks, you actually find someone you want to hook up with and arrange a date.
You scour the Starbucks until you see a familiar face. It's your virtual date waiting for you. And he even looks like his photo. Smiling, you remove your Bluetooth headsets and exchange hellos. You like each other and make a date for Saturday night.
That's when your Ménage à Tech escalates. Your date takes you to a romantic, candlelit restaurant. His hand slips under the table, and you shiver just thinking about him tenderly brushing your thigh. But alas, the touch never arrives. He's text messaging. And checking e-mails on his Blackberry.
Still, he's such a hottie. So when he invites you back to his place, you accept. But does he cuddle up with you on the couch or snuggle in front of the fireplace? Unh-unh. He plops you down in front of his computer to show you his favorite YouTube videos, his MySpace friends and his EBay auctions. After an hour of cyberplay, he finally gets romantic. Mmmm, it's heaven. So you keep dating. There are more dinners, movies, and picnics — always accompanied by his trove of technology tools. Your Ménage à Tech is in full swing.
Then on your one-month anniversary, he surprises you with a beautifully wrapped gift — his and her iPods. Now you can listen to music together — separately
Next, you move in together. But evenings, instead of sharing a bottle of wine, reading poetry or taking an amorous bubble bath, you both go to your individual computers. He has to back up some files, burn some CDs and download some upgrades. You have to upload some photos, publish your blog and post your podcast.
You're living together but spending your nights facing the backs of each other's computer screens. Your romance is at an all-time high — lots of memorable evenings with Dell and Mac. Instead of love letters, there are e-cards. Instead of moonlight walks, there are tours on Google Earth. And instead of passionate lovemaking, it's Berry-interruptus.
As the relationship continues, you're spending more and more time on your own computers. Soon, you're surreptitiously surfing Internet dating sites again. One night, you unwittingly "wink" at each other on http://www.LoversWithoutLaptops.com. Oops. You break up, and the cycle starts again. You meet someone on the Internet and begin another Ménage à Tech.
Technology is wonderful, but it's killing romance.
My recommendation? In addition to the hands-free law for cellphones while driving, I suggest a tech-free law for couples while dating. So turn off your phones, close your laptops and reboot your love life. The next time someone answers the call of technology when you're on a date, mute his ring tone, log him out and delete his hard drive.
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