|
Americans, according to a recent study, have stopped obsessing about marriage. After 45 years, the singles universe is now slightly higher (51 percent) than the ringed-and-hitched population.
Men and women no longer find themselves incomplete individuals by leading solo lives. They are more likely to find fulfillment in situations where they’d rather pursue satisfying careers or surround themselves with caring friends than profess to remain attached to only one person till death to them part. Some of them adopt dogs.
Till death do us part. All of a sudden, even that phrase sounds too archaic and unrealistic. What couple would still be together after 10 or so years? Our parents and grandparents maybe, but that has more to do with our mothers and grandmothers perhaps holding on to the ideal of keeping the family together no matter what. Their generation generally held women in subordinate roles and consigned them to obligations that have now been taken over by the demands of efficiency. The laborious task of cooking, for example, has been taken over by the Chinese takeout or the pizza counter. Housecleaning has become a matter of acquiring the right sweeper with enough portable power. A man in today’s digital age is finding out that he can live on his own without committing a lifetime to only one woman. As a matter of fact, he comes to a eureka realization that minus marriage, he can actually date more women.
Researcher-sociologist David Popenoe of Rutgers University’s National Marriage Project, and author of www.hubbynet.com, says half of all divorces happen by the time a marriage turns seven. Curiously, “The Seven-Year-Itch” movie of Marilyn Monroe mirrored the same crack-in-a-relationship in the 1950s.
Several studies found that college-educated women are more likely to be married than non-degreed women. This is a radical shift from previous studies stereotyping educated women as more likely to pursue careers than getting pregnant and having a family.
Being educated, degreed women are more likely to seek out men with comparable educational background. Chances are that men and women with education, stable careers, and independent purchasing power would have the same values about how to make relationships work by sharing household chores and the responsibilities of parenting.
While these elements may all be present in a family, they do not always guarantee a divorce-proof union, warned Popenoe.
He noted a “slight decline” in the overall level of happiness in marriages.
“According to what people have reported in several large national surveys, the general level of happiness in marriages has not increased and probably has declined slightly. Some studies have found in recent marriages, compared to those of 20 or 30 years ago, significantly more work-related stress, more marital conflict and less marital interaction,” he said.
While sex in marriage is for the most part guilt-free, married people are likely to be happier having sex with their spouses, than singles who seek recreational sex without love and commitment. Popenoe says this belies the “myth” that married couples have less satisfying sex lives.
“Married people have both more and better sex than do their unmarried counterparts. Not only do they have sex more often but they enjoy it more, both physically and emotionally,” he said.
Judging from the popularity of community bulletins and dating sites where “married men seek married women” and other assortment of pairings, I believe the jury is still out on this point. Open marriages as an option is said to be attracting renewed attention.
I’m sure studies on Marriage in the New Millennium are continuing. Americans are out there, looking for alternative forms of intimacy that would shield them from the rigidity of institutionalized marriage, the high cost of divorce, and the pain inflicted on the children in case of a separation.
The search is on, not for Mr. Right but for the Perfect Arrangement.
| 
