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How many relationships are based on true love?

Date: 2007-01-31

Dear Sir:

I see there is a column on Caribbean Net News about the ever interesting subject of relationships and all around it.

Here are a few things I would like to talk about:

First, how many realtionships do you know that are based upon true love, not economics?

How good or bad is it when a relationship is based upon mutual understanding, not on "love". Most women cannot work and have kids at the same time, family planning is still not well applied in our countries so most women tolerate the behavior of the man who provides the funds, although she would like him to be exclusively hers alone. The church does not provide money in case he leaves her for another, so how can a woman follow the rules of the church?

There are three kinds of love as I can see:

First the strongest: The love from a mother to her child. Every woman has the ability to love her child in her, and before she has a child she gives it to her lover. Sometimes, but not often, does she have enough time or energy to give her man that same love after her child is born. If not, the man leaves her looking for another woman to give him that powerful loving feeling again. Her love towards her child is unconditional, is real, true love, the child will be free to develop and grow and learn and when it is old enough she will let it go its own way. She loves her child but does not own it.

Second is the lusty love of mutual attraction that makes a man and a woman fall in love to enjoy each other immensely in freedom and leads to sexual pleasure that mostly leads to the woman getting pregnant. Then she changes and the man's role to "plant his seed" is over, done. He mostly then looks for a next opportunity to plant his seed, unconsciously mostly because that is the way of nature. Also, when no pregnancy results, the love making becomes a habit and he with his hunter instinct looks for new and more exitement. Another reason for disaster is that often the love changes in possesiveness. Each of the two partners try to dominate the other, and want to put their will on the other. We call it jealousy, but it is possesiveness, the want to own the other. Marriage was invented by the early religion makers to protect the woman from a quick dismissal and to garantee the man a sex partner. Marriage is not a natural situation, as true love can not flourish in captivity, it needs freedom.

Third is the love that Jesus showed us, total and pure. That kind of love is not possible in our world, politicians and rich people and religious leaders have destroyed it completely. Examples enough: To show love for your country you must not love another country, to love your partner, you may not love another, to love your church you are not to love another religion, and so on and so forth. Jesus was crucified for his disturbing teachings, against the rules of the religion he was born into. Rules are there to be broken he said, love your neighbour, turn the other cheek, and so on.

So how can you give advice to people who get mixed up in this mess of rules on one side and nature on the other?

Nature is strongest and rules can not harness it.

I have the pleasure to know a little about love and I know several girl friends, some sexually active and others not. All I can do is help them, assist them, give them all I can and not possess them. I let them free and therefore they love me.

Please comment on my letter.

Alexander Baldal
Sint Maarten
Dutch West Indies





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