It used to be if a woman reached a certain age without having wed, she was labeled a spinster.
Cursed with an assumption of loneliness and sympathetic relatives trying to repair the personal flaws thought to be scaring away gentlemen callers, she was often set up with any available weirdo. And the weirder the better -- the odds are good when the goods are odd. And nothing's as bad as missing the boat.
Except perhaps being a divorcee or a woman living in sin. Not as sympathetic a character as the spinster, the divorcee wore the label of she who had a chance at marital bliss and blew it; any woman who found herself better off was considered a threat to everyone else's marriage.
And a cohabitating woman was painted as a fool, someone waiting for her paramour to make an honest woman of her while he was getting dairy products for free.
Once upon a time, the only adult woman who seemed to get a free pass on living single was the young widow, and even she was merely given a grace period.
All's fair in love and stereotypes; that's society's way. And while such words as "spinster" and "divorcee" might be anachronistic -- judging by Hollywood, Web sites touting points of compatibility and our fascination with Britney Spears' newfound freedom -- things haven't changed that much.
But an analysis of census numbers recently published in The New York Times indicates things have changed for the American miss. Turns out 51 percent of American women today are living life without a spouse. The Times reports that based on the marital status answers from a Census Bureau survey taken in 2005, 57.5 million women over the age of 15 are living with a spouse, as opposed to 59.9 million women who are single or whose spouses don't live with them.
The Times admits those numbers need wiggle room because some husbands work out of town -- some defending the U.S. from terrorism, others making license plates. And the report also says most women eventually do marry, if only for a little while. But couple that data with the news that in 2005, married couples became the minority in U.S. households, and you get the idea.
If The Times really is on to something, these figures carry American women over an important threshold: Being married is no longer a must, and social, workplace and government policies will have to adjust.
There are those who see this as a bad thing. The institution of marriage has always been the backbone of U.S. society, and this is going to give us an unattractive dowager's hump.
There's a natural order of things, no? Can we guarantee a future for Zack and Cody if they don't have the same social foundation as Wally and the Beave?
But there are two sides to every boarding pass, as those who previously fell into the missed-the-boat category have come to see. These numbers show that society has slowly accepted that being single doesn't mean being defective, that the divorcee isn't any less respectable than the old bachelor -- and it's about time that went without saying.
It doesn't mean the unraveling of American society if, overall, women today have a few more "me" years than "we" years. If anything, it stacks the odds for women being in control of their own happiness, or unhappiness.
As for any guarantees for Zack, Cody and the rest of society -- there are none, but that's not necessarily Mom's fault.
Perhaps what this really means is that a person's marital status is less important than what a person chooses to do with her life.
Waiting for your ship to come in is still somewhat of a romantic notion, but setting a course that doesn't involve "I do's" shouldn't be seen as a second choice or even a last resort.
Marriage is a great way to go through life, but there's no guarantee it's the best voyage available.
Missing the boat isn't a bad thing when you aren't pressured to buy a ticket.
