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Single women, raise your hands. You're the mainstream now.

Date: 2007-01-23

For the first time in U.S. history, you outnumber married women, according to U.S. Census figures.

Now that single women are the norm, perhaps they can use that info to get people off their backs about getting married. Why should the dominant group be hassled by the minority?

Let's take it as a sign that women have evolved to a point where they feel marriage is optional. I've always thought marriage should be the exception, not the rule.

Of course it always depends on what each individual wants. Just as many married people dream about being free and single again, there are lots of single people who'd love to have a life partner.

That's why these statistics showing that 51 percent of women in America are single are so difficult to interpret.

Are these single women happy? And if so, how much of this happiness is predicated on not having a man in their life? (This applies only to heterosexual women, of course.)

News media outlets have called on sociologists and psychologists to give us their take, based on various studies and surveys that chip at the surface of this growing phenomenon.

Some cite studies suggesting that married people tend to be happier. Others point to surveys in which single people report feeling good about being on their own. And of course there are always those who decide to live with someone but don't need a government-sanctioned marriage.

There's no real way to measure happiness, but we know that even with hectic schedules and rewarding careers, women are still hard-wired to want intimacy.

Close relationships are vital to women. People joke about that being encoded into that extra X chromosome. Others might say that it comes from the estrogen. Still others remark that society shapes a woman's need to nurture.

Wherever it comes from, it's there. To deny it is to deny something beautiful, an attribute that helped preserve families for centuries.

But in a post-industrial society, that intimacy doesn't need to come from marriage. Self-sufficient women don't need husbands to support them. They don't need them to have children.

Our economic structure helped create a generation of women who are independent, autonomous creatures who chose careers over marriage, figuring they'll eventually get to it - if it makes sense for them. The more educated and sophisticated women become, the less they're willing to settle.

And therein lies the rub.

Most independent women want intimacy but only on their terms. It explains why so many of my female friends have gone from one boyfriend to the next, sometimes going without one for years, waiting to meet someone they consider their equal.

Here's a couple of other statistics that put marriage and its dissolution into perspective: Most women will marry sometime during their life. Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women.

A recent survey of 3,000 married women by Woman's Day magazine and America Online found that if they had to do it all over again, half of them wouldn't have married their current husbands.

It makes me wonder if these women got married because they felt pressured or if we're also hard-wired to want a kind of intimacy that many men aren't capable of. Men become bewildered by our constant need for validation and closeness. Women get frustrated because we don't understand why our men can't give us what we want.

It helps explain the current state of marriage, and sheds some light on the topic of fulfillment versus loneliness.

With divorce stats being what they are, those who think that single people are sad or lonely should think again.

Cindy Rodríguez





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