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ARRANGED marriages are a dying practice here among the Chinese.
So say matchmakers who spoke to The New Paper on Sunday.
All five Chinese matchmaking agency owners we spoke to said they hardly hear of traditional matchmakers nowadays.
Said Mr Jansen Ong, 44, who runs Life Partner matchmaking agency: 'The last time I heard about this 'meh ren' was during my parents' time, maybe 40 to 50 years ago.'
Agreeing, Ms Goh Lee Hoon, 36, of Forever Love Marriages Point, said this tradition has all but died in Singapore among the Chinese community.
Rare among Malays
There are still some 'tukang risik' here.
It literally means spy in Malay, but culturally refers to a traditional matchmaker.
And they are getting rarer over the years, said Haji Muhammad Ariff, 82.
He is a well-known cultural expert of the Malay community and was given a National Arts Council grant early this year to author three books on Malay culture.
Mostly among Indians
Though the traditional matchmakers are also vanishing among Indians, more cases of arranged marriages are evident here than within other ethnic communities.
Mr Govindaraju M, 56, who has 25 years of matchmaking experience, said that he used to pair one couple every week in the '70s and '80s.
Now, he only manages to pair one couple every three months.
His success rate is similar to that of another matchmaker, Mr R Kulasekaran, 49.
Both deal with matches between Singaporeans only.
Mr Kula also works with non-Indian families.
Unlike modern-day matchmaking agencies, these traditional matchmakers are usually family friends or respected elders known in the community.
The reason for their dwindling number is the changing times, the matchmakers say.
Mr Govindaraju, also known as Mr Mago, said: 'Women are becoming more independent, more are working and there are more opportunities for them to meet other partners on their own now.'
In the past, arranged marriages were ideal as most women did not work and had less chances of meeting a man.
So it was common to see concerned parents arranging their children's marriages.
The practice is still very much alive in India.
A survey published in the Times Of India in 2000 found that almost 60 per cent of urban youths there chose an arranged marriage over a love marriage.
But in Singapore, it's a different story.
Mr Kulasekaran, better known as Mr Kula, said: 'Some parents tell me not to tell others that their children's marriage was arranged.
'If these marriages happen, they are mostly done very quietly.
'Most of the parents and couples feel malu (Malay for 'shy').'
And because of that, The New Paper on Sunday had trouble getting matchmade couples to speak up.
Four couples we approached had at least one spouse uncomfortable about talking to us. One even told us he feared being made a 'laughing stock' if his story gets out.
Things were not this way back when both men started out pairing up singles.
Mr Mago, an insurance agent who works part-time as a matchmaker, started providing his service in his late teens.
An active member in his temple, Mr Mago was approached by a fellow devotee to find a groom for his sister.
Mr Mago recommended a suitable candidate from among his acquaintances and, before long, the two were dating.
The couple, now in their 40s, have three children and are living overseas. They keep in touch with him occasionally.
Matchmaking people also started rather unintentionally for Mr Kula when his Hokkien neighbour came to him with his family woes.
The neighbour was in love with a fishmonger's daughter. But his father had objections because he felt the girl was not good enough for his son.
Recalled Mr Kula: 'I told the family there was no point in making their son unhappy and if she was a good girl, it will work out.'
Eventually the man's family gave in.
Mr Mago and Mr Kula receive a token sum of up to $500 for each pairing that ends in marriage.
Nowadays, in addition to word of mouth, Mr Mago advertises his services in Tamil Murasu.
Both men get hopeful singles to fill up forms stating their vital statistics, hobbies and what they want in a partner.
Unlike Mr Kula, Mr Mago goes further - he uses numerology to judge the compatibility of a pair based on their birth dates.
Once a prospective match is found, they let the parties consult an astrologer - a common practice among Hindus - and the couples are left to proceed with the marriage if they are happy with the outcome.
Notes Mr Kula: 'The one thing that has not changed (over the years) is that the parents are the ones who call me to initiate the matchmaking.'
With higher divorce rates and a trend of delayed marriages, these matchmakers are seeing more and more older singles and divorcees come to them seeking partners.
The singles being paired are usually in their 30s. However, it is not uncommon to get parents wanting their 20-something daughters married off as well.
The matchmakers' job has also become tougher due to the rising expectations of women.
Said Mr Mago: 'There are better educated women and they are choosy about the men they want to get married to.
'They want their husbands to earn more than them, work in a better post and look presentable.'
And the men are equally fussy. They want women who are family-oriented, not career-minded.
As a result, more men turn to marrying brides from India, they said.
Both men have three children each.
While Mr Kula had an arranged marriage with his Indian national wife, Mr Mago had a love marriage with his neighbour's daughter.
On his children's marriage prospects, Mr Mago said: 'I'll tell them to find their own partners. But if they approach me, I'll try to help!'
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