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Dear Dating Girl: I've been seeing my boyfriend for about six months now, and I am starting to feel like I embarrass him. He has never introduced me to any of his friends, and when we do stuff, it often involves hanging out at his place, having sex and not going out. I recently confronted him about it. He admitted he was still getting over his last relationship with a woman he thought was the love of his life. He said he wasn't sure he was ready to embark on something new and didn't want to let his friends know we were involved until he was sure. Should I stick around and hope our private relationship can become public once he feels confident about it?
- Sick of Private Behaviour
Dear Sick: That must have been an ego-hoister of a conversation: "Honey, I don't want to be seen in public with you because I'm still in love with someone else and I'm not sure I like you enough to tell my friends about you. Oh, but I'm happy to sleep with you."
Yowza. I don't know how hooked you are on this guy, but I'd head for the hills, honey, before your slightly bruised self-esteem gets completely crushed.
I suppose I should give the guy credit for being honest, but when someone makes it so obvious he is still sick in love with someone else, no matter how loudly your heart beats to the tune of "he'll eventually get over her and fall madly in love with me," you need to let your brain win this one and get out.
Dear Dating Girl: I need help finding a gift for an ex. She has a new boyfriend, and I have dallied a bit as well since we were together, but we do speak quite often and the feelings are still there on both sides. I want to send her a gift that says I still love her, but I don't want to rock the boat with her new beau. Ideas?
- Present Dilemma
Dear Present: It's hard enough figuring out what to give someone you're in an active relationship with, never mind an ex. That's because while most of us measure the quality of our relationships by silly things like the quality of communication, we all know that the true test of a relationship is the gift giving. But the etiquette of gift giving isn't always obvious. Emily Post never included a rule for how many times you have to sleep with someone before they warrant a Christmas present.
And should you risk giving a gift to someone you've just started seeing, what you get them can be even more revealing. Something too personal might have too much meaning; something impersonal might not have enough.
Before you know it, an innocent little gift has taken on the ability to define a relationship faster than you can say, "I hope you kept the receipt."
Consider not giving her anything. Because, really, what are you trying to say with a gift? "I know you're with someone else, but let me just mess you up a little by reminding you of me"? Are you maybe trying to see just how strong those lingering feelings are?
If you still feel you must give her something, keep it generic. A nice bottle of wine is a safe bet.
- E-mail your questions to lettersjoseyvogels.com or send snail mail to Dating Girl, The Gazette, Arts & Life Section, 1010 Ste. Catherine St. W., Suite 200, Montreal H3B 5L1. Personal replies cannot be provided.
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