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Single bells all the way

Date: 2006-12-11

A COUPLE cuddling beside the tree in matching Aran knits, an angelic nuclear family gathering around the piano to sing O Come, All Ye Faithful. A father, complete with comedy paper hat, sitting at the head of a dinner table carving up his brood's giant turkey. These are the clichéd images of which "Christmas" is made. But thanks to a seasonal box office hit, The Holiday, the myth that Christmas has to, or should be, a communal experience is now in question.

Starring Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet as two single career high-fliers desperate to get away from it all, the film shows that wanting to be on your own at this time of year doesn't mean you're a social outcast. And yes, while it looks like they do find romance along the way (this is Hollywood, after all), could this film possibly be entertaining the idea that (gasp) a Christmas spent alone can be a happy one?

It's an issue as thorny as the Christmas holly, despite a recent survey from Van Communications, which discovered that a third of people in the UK supposedly enjoying Christmas with their families this year will spend the day wishing they were somewhere else.

After all, if you're on your own on the most people-centric day of the year, how can you possibly enjoy it on your own? Won't you miss your mother's annual meltdown that the turkey isn't cooking, the stress of trying to smooth over the long-running family feuds with small talk and, if you have sole ownership of the remote control, who do you argue with over whether to watch the Queen's Speech or It's a Wonderful Life? No, it's simply not possible that you'd want to escape all that in exchange for a nice bottle of red and some R&R.

"If you're single, Christmas is a really good time to kill yourself. At least, that's what the statistics say," Sex and The City producer Jenny Bicks once wrote. "Apparently us single people can get through the year coasting on our meagre accomplishments and lying to ourselves about our happiness until Thanksgiving, where the first wave of disappointment hits. You're still single? Well, slide in next to Uncle Bobby, he's alone too, because he drinks."

It is exactly this kind of preconception, rather than the prospect of spending the day alone, which often makes many single women dread the festive season. However, the run-up to the big day doesn't need to be excruciating if you approach it with the right attitude.

"Don't apologise for spending the day alone or let others turn you into a pathetic charity case," says agony aunt Anita Naik, author of self-help book Naughty But Nice - The No Excuses Guide to Getting What You Want. "Be positive about what you're doing and the reasons why, and firmly rebut intrusions from well-meaning friends and family."

Once you've got over the supposed stigma attached to spending Christmas alone, there is the matter of the day itself, and how to approach it.

"Being alone and lonely at Christmas is not the same thing," says Naik. "The trick is to think about your expectations about the holidays and then create the day you want by preparing in advance.

"Plan it so that you know what you're going to do, what you're going to eat and even what you're going to watch on TV so you don't feel bereft and sorry for yourself on the actual day but revel in the luxury of being alone, well fed and happy."

Naik also suggests making time to call people so that you have contact throughout the day, reminding yourself of the fact that though you may be single, there are plenty of folk out there who love you.

And here's some more good news - a Christmas alone can actually be good for you. So says psychologist Dr Zoubida Guernina, a mental health councillor based in Hull who helps many patients work through feelings of loneliness at this time of year.

"People these days are far too scared of being on their own when, in fact, cognitively speaking it is very beneficial to take some time out," she says. "At this time of year our brain can become overloaded, and what we need is time to collect our thoughts - a period for self-fulfilment and self-development which is very healthy."

So, instead of reluctantly throwing yourself into a crowd at Christmas for appearances sake, why not suit yourself? A day on your own may be the best present you've ever had.





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