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When there’s trouble brewing, body language verbalizes true emotions and feelings — even if words say otherwise.
Saying “I love you” just isn’t enough, says Dr. David Givens. Love signals are the true indicator: “It’s much more powerful to be touched and have a caring voice.”
According to world-renowned anthropologist, there’s an unspoken vocabulary of love that builds attachment and loyalty over time and gives marriage staying power.
Struggling couples merely talk, successful couples touch, says Givens.
“Gestures work better than words in keeping a mate and keeping the bond going. Non-verbal signals rouse deeper parts of the emotional brain, where mating instincts lie.
“Facial expressions, body movements and postures register with more immediacy than do the linguistic sounds of speech.”
It’s all about Love Signals, the name of his new book published by St. Martin’s Press, which explores the nonverbal signs, signals and cues human beings exchange to attract, win and keep their mates.
According to Givens, “the burden of keeping the love connection going is on the guy by keeping the love signals flowing.”
But, often once mated, he says, men let the tactile signals go dead, especially the caring tone of voice.
“The pair bond is much healthier when the guy keeps the signals coming. Women know this intuitively but they pull back when they’re not getting feedback and the pair bond weakens.”
According to body language expert Patti Wood, “No matter what someone says, their signals and cues are more honest and revealing – they speak volumes.”
We give out thousands of non-verbal cues per minute, says Wood, so tune out words and tune into action.
“Sometimes their actions are yelling and screaming at us, but we choose to take their words because it’s more comfortable,” says the non-verbal communication and behaviour expert based in Atlanta.
So, just what are love signals that bind?
“A non-verbal sign of companionship love is the shoulder embrace,” says Givens, adding that established couples communicate love and caring by touching each other’s shoulders and upper arms with their fingertips and opened palms.
Non-sexual touching has a healing effect.
“More immediate and far more powerful than words, touching, hugging and hand-holding are essential signs to reassure that you care,” says Givens, adding that they also increase the flow of pleasure-producing endorphins released into the nervous system.
“Hug your partner twice a day to care for, comfort and show your love,” advises Givens.
Also, another way to reconnect is to share the “20-second kiss.”
So why do relationships end?
“Women complain they receive too few affectionate cues; men complain about a partner’s whining tone of voice.”
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