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It seemed a bit strange when a woman we'll call Becky – who claimed to be in her 30s and happily married – emailed, wanting to know if there are any available single men between the ages of 50 to 70 in Orange County.
Then she explained she wasn't asking for herself, but for her single mom, although Mom didn't know her daughter was asking. Becky says her mom is sometimes lonely and she would like her mom to meet a companion for sharing dinner, movies and other social events.
Becky described her mom as, "a major catch – nice, financially secure, and beautiful – and has a 'hot' body, yet has not been able to find someone."
Her mom is shy, doesn't use a computer and isn't the type to "put herself out there." Would it be weird, Becky wondered, if she ran some personal ads for her mom and answered them on her behalf, "just to check things out" with the men who responded. She added, "Do you have any other ideas?"
I appreciate children who care about their parents. Still, it might be a bit odd if Becky spoke to the men who respond to the ads: "Hi, this is Becky. I represent my mother and am screening the men who answered the ad I placed on her behalf. Can we meet for coffee so I can ask you a few questions to see if you'd be good enough for my mom?" Most men would flee on the spot.
Instead, I suggested four alternatives Mom might pursue.
First, despite her shyness, Becky's mom needs to meet new people and make new friends. The Singles Scene in this newspaper each Friday lists events that aren't "singles functions" as such, but are places where Mom would meet new, interesting people.
Second, Mom should check out the Inside Edge, a group of educated and professional people who meet Wednesday mornings at 6:30 a.m., on the UCI campus, to hear inspiring speakers. Her mom would undoubtedly make friends with members of this classy group of people. Again, this is not a "singles group" and yet many of the members are single. For information, Becky should click on http://www.insideedge.org/ and attend one of these meetings with her mom.
Third, Mom might consider attending a gathering of the Cabaret Singles. They meet the fourth Wednesday of each month at 7 p.m. at the Hilton on Bristol in Costa Mesa and feature a speaker (I'll be speaking March 28). They have many different events for members throughout each month. For more information, email Barbara at o2waltz@cox.net
Fourth, Becky should check out OC singles activities for her mom on my website at http://www.findingloveafter50.com/activities_orange_county
And while I commend Becky for helping her mom, at some point, Mom has to get out on her own or with a friend or two. That's the best and most effective way to meet someone, much better than through a personal ad that she didn't know about.
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