Single in the suburbs: The pitfalls of cyber-love

I could feel my face burning as I pounded the keyboard. "You ed me first; I wrote back twice. The second was something like, 'You're no fun.' I was obviously joking." With furious fingers I hit the send button. Back came the e-mail response: "It was not a big deal...let's drop it."
Had I just had a fight with someone I was "like-dating" via e-mail? An argument over the Internet aboutmessages I had sent via cell phone that previous weekend? Who knew fighting over e-mail about amessage was even possible?
Drunken dialing used to be the biggie -- waking up the morning after a night out and one too many lemon drop shots -- fearing what slobbery message you recorded in your less-than-sober-state. Now, you might have to scroll through your sent messages on your cell, or your e-mail, in addition to checking your dialed numbers list, to figure out if you should be mortified. Maybe a breathalyzer keyboard, in addition to that new breathalyzer cell phone, would come in handy after all.But in the beginning, the allure of tech-dating is strangely tempting. Who doesn't enjoy seeing the little envelope on a cell phone or computer, alerting you to a note from your sweetie? And sometimes, flirting over e-mail is so much more fun. You don't even have to look cute, with hair done and lip gloss on. You just have to type cute.
Unfortunately, tech-savvy singles come to realize the tragic downside of the IM-life. The instant gratification of "talk to me now, don't you miss me now, you didn't read the e-mail I just sent so I'm ing you now" has its downfalls. One being the total lack of understanding on how to interpret those s and e-mails. Did he sound mad in that e-mail? Didn't he get my sarcasm in thatmessage? Why isn't he e-mailing me back?
Relationship expert Gilda Carle said without the face-to-face, a tech-based relationship faces some major challenges. "You can't know what somebody's tone of voice is," over , IM or e-mail, she said. There's no intonation over a screen and daters miss out on body language. There's no reading between the lines because "all you have going on is in those lines," she said.
And everyone who has a PDA is guilty of this dating sin. "People ask each other out on dates this way, and they do have fights this way -- and they've never even said a word. They don't even know what they're fighting about," Carle said.
High-tech hookups also provide the shy guys or gals with a little keyboard confidence. "Behind the computer screen, behind themessage, you can say anything, you can live in your own fantasy world, come across any which way you want and even tell lies online," Carle said. "Who's ever going to really know?"
In order to avoid high-tech dating disaster, the best bet for folks is balance. "You have to have a balance," she said. "I'd encourage more toward in-person thanand technology (communicating) because what are you after? Sexuality or uality? And themessage is not going to keep you warm at night."Gilda Carle, Ph.D., is the founder of www.DrGilda.com, a motivational speaker and associate professor at Mercy College. She has a private practice in New York City and is the author of "Don't Bet on the Prince! How to Have the Man You Want by Betting On Yourself" and "He's Not All That! How to Attract the Good Guys."