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Money-making dating game

Date: 2006-11-30
Can't buy me love ...

Friends or fate, that's how you find your perfect match. Not by forking over money for online dating, speed dating or other singles-themed events. Only desperados, cheaters, social deviants and other undesirables resort to these.

That's what ignorant romantics like me believe. But the owners of Toronto's successful singles services will tell you a different story.

They'll talk about a market of more than 10 million singles in Canada, a dating industry in the United States that is worth $1 billion, and of the dozens of dating services available in Toronto alone.

One of the largest services in North America is Toronto-based Lavalife with more than $100 million in annual revenue and some 600,000 members worldwide, who exchange in excess of 1.3 million messages every day. Another Toronto company, MeetMarket Adventures Inc., can rake in $20,000 in one evening for hosting a singles pub night at a downtown bar.

The businesses are based on a similar marketing premise: There comes a point, usually in your late 20s or early 30s, when all of your friends are married. Your friends' friends are also married. Dating colleagues is out of the questions. You've exhausted your social network, so what are you going to do? Stay home and sulk, or increase your relationship odds by handing over some cash?

Once customers are lured by the pitch, they'll pay businesses anywhere from $20 to more than $100 to attend a pub night, dinner or other special event that promises like-minded singles — gay or straight. For online dating services, singles will pay for the privilege to email other singles or use more advanced features to attract dates, such as photos or video clips.

This isn't an industry about landing a one-night stand. If you want sex, you can probably get it. But people are paying money to find someone to date and potentially marry.

How has the industry managed to grow, with cynics like me shuddering at the thought of meeting someone in such a contrived, unromantic situation?

At the singles movie event called "Click at a Flick" that launched last week, there was a mixed bunch. From the young university student to the slick banker, plenty of good-looking people mingled and coyly eyed each other with hopes of finding the perfect match. For all of those who admitted to finding out about the event on Lavalife, as many said they just happened to come to the movies and this event just happened to be on and they just happened to be single.

Customers I spoke with at dating events I attended were awkward when asked why they were paying for their love search.

Roger Beharry Lall, a 33-year-old marketing manager at a technology company, has been dropping about $100 a month on his love search for the past two years. That gives him access to two singles events per month, which may yield six dates.

He was even in the Star's relationship challenge this spring, a series designed to help Toronto singles find a partner.

"I'm not bullishly proud that I go to these events," says Beharry Lall. "If I say I've gone speed dating, at the very least I'll get a look."

He doesn't think there's anything "wrong with him," but does wonder why he hasn't been able to find his match in a more traditional way.

"My dad doesn't belong to a country club and my mom doesn't run a church group, so they can't help," he half jokes.

Business owners deny there is a stigma to their services. The success of online dating seems to have shifted these businesses from the back alley to the mainstream.

Toronto's Lavalife started in 1987 as a telephone dating service company called Interactive Media Corp. As the technology evolved and the company's main products changed to webpersonals and telepersonals, the company did its own makeover, starting with the brand.

"We wanted to come up with where the product was headed," says Lori Miller, Lavalife love expert and marketing manager. "Something cool, urban and hip."

Lavalife was born. The renamed company focused on mainstream advertising efforts. Personal ads were no longer something secretly flipped to at the back of the classifieds. Ads were placed on subways and billboards.

They feature a few very attractive cartoon characters in romantic situations, their eyes sparkling and connecting across a crowded room or busy intersection. If it works for them, surely, it should work for you. So what if they aren't human?

"You've got to make the shame and stigma irrelevant," says Ashwin Joshi, marketing professor at York University's Schulich School of Business. "You've got to introduce fun and humour."

Social networks, such as church groups, used to be the prime way people met their mates, says Joshi.

"We no longer have these tight bonds in society," says Joshi. "Lavalife steps in. So, here's the net observation: The industry has grown because it is needed in society."

The media has also helped make singles events acceptable, adds the founder of a Toronto speed-dating company. When beautiful characters in Sex and the City speed date, potential customers are persuaded to give it a try.

Miller joined Lavalife four years ago when business was rapidly increasing, but people still shied away from admitting they used the service. Today, the proliferation of the brand means everyone seems to know someone who has tried it at least once.

"People who are single either have done it or are doing it," says Miller.

It's cool, she says. And it can work — my friend Jason met his wife Kelly through Lavalife.

At events I attended, people seemed genuinely interested in meeting someone to date rather than a one-night stand. There are other services that cater to customers looking for sex. Lavalife even offers an "intimate" relationship service to separate such people from those looking for dating and long-term relationships.

One company — MeetMarket — thrives despite poking fun at the negative "meat market" association these events might conjure in people.

Travis Hartley, the firm's founder and president, says he can earn $20,000 from one pub night for singles. The bar offers the venue free of charge — provided it gets all revenue from the drinks sold. Hartley charges $20 per person admission, so if 1,000 people show up, he'll turn a hefty profit.

Hartley is quick to remind me he's not offering a dating service. It's not that he is ashamed of his business, he just doesn't want to create unfair expectations. Instead, he says he just offers a way for singles to meet through events — anything from extreme sports to wine tasting.

"Your chances of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right are much better when you are out meeting other singles rather staying in and watching a movie," he says.

Susan Kates runs dinnerworks.ca, a company that arranges dinners for groups of six to eight people. She markets the company as a way for professionals to meet like-minded people.

"There is absolutely no shame in saying that you are looking for some new friends."

That would be true, but most people are paying for the opportunity to meet more than a friend. At the events I attended, it was rare for women to befriend other women. Instead, the focus was on finding a romantic partner. At a recent MeetMarket pub night, women were even spotted arguing with each other over whose turn it was to speak to the good-looking men.

In the United States, dating services have faced class-action lawsuits from disgruntled customers.

Regulars like Beharry Lall view these events as a chance of increasing the probability you'll meet your match. At a speed-dating event of 30 people, he figures once all of the matches are done, he'll get probably three dates.

"It's a numbers game," he says.

Yet, despite the investment he has made in his search for love, Beharry Lall isn't convinced it will deliver what he wants.

"My gut says I'll find her some other way."




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