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Dating violence has several forms. The type we are most familiar with involves sexual abuse and assault, such as unwanted touching and forced intercourse. Physical abuse includes slapping, shoving and punching. Emotional abuse results when a partner insults, swears at and belittles a partner. Isolating a partner from others and acting jealously are also forms of emotional abuse.
The statistics about adolescent dating violence are not comforting. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found one in 11 high school students reported being a victim of physical dating violence during the past year. Other studies show 20 percent of adolescents report having been subjected to emotional abuse and 20 percent of high school girls indicate they have been physically or sexually abused in a dating relationship.
High school students who were more likely to be victims of dating violence included those who are sexually active, have attempted suicide, are occasional heavy drinkers and have been involved in fighting. Clues that an adolescent may be involved in a violent dating situation include isolation from friends and family, signs of injury, truancy, failing grades, mood changes, drug use, a change in clothing or makeup and a loss of confidence.
Much of the time, adolescents are not aware of the characteristics of a healthy relationship. Healthy dating is characterized by enjoying time spent together, having opinions respected, disagreeing comfortably, doing things apart as well as together and being able to relax.
Unhealthy dating, besides the factors previously mentioned, may involve very emotional outbursts, disrespect, threats of violence, controlling, manipulation, stalking and threatening to spread false rumors. Unhealthy dating is in part motivated by myths that we have about relationships such as if your partner is jealous he is in love with you; if a girl gets hit, she probably deserves it; if a male pays for a date he has a right to expect sex; and maybe things will get better (not likely).
There are strategies that should be considered if young people are involved in a violent dating situation. Talk to people such as a trusted member of the family, a friend's parent, an adult friend or older sibling about your problem. Other people to consider talking to are trusted teachers, counselors, social workers, doctors and coaches knowing that they may be classified as mandated reporters. Mandated reporters are required to report abuse to law enforcement and/or child protective services.
Other actions to consider if young people are in a violent dating relationship or trying to end one include the following: Keep spare change for phone calls or transportation, carry a cell phone, go out with groups or other couples, change the route to and from school, use a buddy system, consider getting a restraining order and always have the numbers of people you can turn to if an emergency arises.
Local agencies that provide assistance and information over the phone include the YWCA at (419) 241-7273 and the Battered Women's Shelter at (419) 241-7386.
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