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Madonna's doing it, Angelina Jolie did it twice, and in the '70s, Mia Farrow did it 10 times over.
Mere mortals adopt, too.
In fact, according to the Adoption Institute, 1.5 million adopted children live in America. The U.S. Census Bureau says 125,000 are adopted each year.
It's easy to feel the tug when we see pictures of wide-eyed, hopeful orphans, or read about the half-million American children in need of permanent homes, according to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.
But committing yourself to a lifetime of adoptive parenting?
That's a different story. It can be a tale with a powerful ending if you do your homework up front.
20 key questions
Family therapist Brenda McCreight, mother of 12 adopted and two biological children, and author of three adoption-focused books, says the most important question to ask yourself is this:
Am I willing to be turned into the parent the child needs me to be?
"The focus is always on changing the child - like getting them to function better, which is good - but you need to transform or it won't work," says McCreight, who lives in British Columbia.
Raising any child can be challenging, McCreight says. "They're not potted plants. With some kids, you'll have challenges on a daily basis" that might be related to their start in life, which you might not have anything to do with, she says.
Steve Anderson of Glendale, father of three children from Romania, wisely advises adoptive parents to expect a radical lifestyle change, especially if you haven't been a parent before. "Your priorities change 180 degrees, from you to them. Your needs come second or third. But you grow to expect that, and it becomes the high point in your life," he says.
The more flexible you are, the better you can meet your child's unique needs and be an effective parent.
Consider this related question, according to Adoption Resources of Wisconsin social worker Leah Elston, who conducts pre- and post-adoption training for parents:
What is my motivation to adopt?
Admittedly, deciding to become a parent is "all about you and building what you want (in life), but do you have enough of the other stuff, like wanting to raise a healthy, productive child? It's a broader picture; do I just want to save a child or do I want to parent?" Elston says.
Think about these other questions as well:
What kind of adoption am I comfortable with, and how much can I spend?
You can develop a relationship with birth parents in open adoptions, work within the foster care system, adopt internationally, or locally. Identify the kind of child you'd want - infant or older, special needs or none apparent, your ethnic background or another. Fees vary. Check www.childwelfare.gov for licensed agencies by state and for funding options.
How long can I wait? Some adoptions take just months to finalize; others take years.
If infertility has led me to adoption, have I resolved those issues, realizing they may never completely go away, and allowed myself to grieve? The child you adopt is not the birth child you imagined. Adjust your expectations accordingly.
Am I ready to be an open book? You'll start by sharing your life story with a social worker, and then probably face countless questions throughout the years from strangers and friends alike.
What are my adoption expectations? You may imagine the day you meet your child and she throws her arms around your neck. Realistically, however, "You've been looking at this child's picture for so long but . . . you're a stranger to this child," says Deb Sumiec, mother of a daughter from Russia and another from China, and a certified adoption social worker and trainer for Special Children Inc. in Elm Grove.
"They've already lost their birth parents and their caregivers," and now you're expecting them to run to your outstretched arms? "We can't expect our children to feel unscathed" by their experiences, Sumiec says. So adjust based on their needs.
How will I talk with my kids about adoption? Experts today agree openness is best, but how much you share depends on the child's age and the circumstances surrounding the adoption.
How do I feel about educating myself on adoption issues, and educating others along the way? From gently correcting people's incorrect terminology ("placed for adoption" vs. "given up") to gracefully handling hurtful comments in front of little ears ("Oh, you took the easy way out and adopted"), you assume the role of educator.
And if you adopt a child with special needs, you'll need to become well-versed in educating not only yourself about those challenges, but advocating on behalf of your child to other family members, friends and teachers.
Are there medical and mental health professionals in my community skilled in handling adoption issues? If not, be willing to find them elsewhere.
How will I handle issues specifically related to adoption? Some older children may find birthdays difficult because it reminds them of unknowns. Some children may face racism if they're adopted by parents of different ethnic backgrounds.
For example, do you know what it's like to be Chinese in America? You may not, but your daughter will. You won't be able to provide all the answers and experiences firsthand to help her navigate life, so you'll need to tap resources for help.
You'll also need to balance between watching for adoption-related issues and assuming all problems are adoption-based. "It could just be normal kid stuff!" says Sumiec.
Am I willing to connect my child with his heritage if it's different than mine? Support and social groups, such as Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption, give your child a chance to just be a kid with other kids like him.
Likewise, are you willing to celebrate your own heritage? Celebrating diversity "teaches the children that even if they're not part of the majority, the differences (among us) make us unique and really special," Sumiec says.
Am I comfortable not knowing all the details of my child's past, including medical histories? Accepting the unknown becomes part of your daily existence, and you'll need to help your child grow to accept that, too.
How much support will my extended family give? If it's not much, that's "not a reason to stop the adoption," says McCreight. But we have to know "what we do with that when Mom and Dad don't come for Christmas," she adds.
Can I handle heartbreak and disappointment? "If a biological child smokes dope at 15, you work through it. If it's an adopted child, it's a big panic," McCreight says. "Anyone can cope with the good times. But how are you going to cope with the bad times?" she says.
Can I lean on others? In a North American Council on Adoptable Children keynote address, McCreight said she has a "deep respect for adoptive families because most of us cope very well with the transformation from a typical family to a family that daily has to deal with challenges that our friends and families only read about."
In the name of your own mental health, and in becoming a better parent, find others who share your struggles and joys.
Sumiec says, "Not only will your child benefit . . . but you'll grow from that."
Are you ready for anything? Post-institutionalized and other children who experienced neglect or abuse may very well have developmental delays that surface years after the adoption.
Am I willing to let my child take me on a journey instead of imposing my expectations on her? Most children, biological or adopted, surprise their parents with unexpected interests or needs. It's your job to find your child's niche, says Sumiec.
She adds, "Are you willing to wear out the knees of your pants?" because your child needed more of that kind of play than you expected?
Do I believe love isn't the be-all, end-all? "Of course, time and love help a great deal, but they won't heal everything," Sumiec says. Find support and keep the faith.
Can I go the distance? Adoptive families are often called "forever families" so children understand their family's permanence. You might need to prove that time and again. As McCreight said in her address, "What sometimes feels like your child's inability to learn from her mistakes is really her need to be shown that you are rock-steady."
McCreight says it's important to maintain a balanced perspective when you choose to adopt. "There are huge payoffs," she says. "You'll have heartache, you'll have trauma, but boy, when they hug you, the universe gets better. (Adoption) puts more value into your life. . . . You don't take any moment for granted," she says.
Sumiec says that despite challenges, "My children have taken me spiritually, physically and emotionally to places I never (knew I'd) go. I credit them," she says.
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