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Young love and domestic violence go hand in hand more often than most people realize, and experts say they’re working to stop the cycle of violence before it starts.
In some areas of the state, one in three teen-dating relationships is violent, they say, and if such violence goes unreported, perpetrators will likely continue abusive behavior as adults.
And victims of the crime often become victims to more than one abusive partner if they aren’t connected with help.
“Half of adult batterers hit a girl when they were teenagers,” said Judy Becerra of Safe Shelter of St. Vrain Valley.
About 40 percent of girls between the ages of 14 and 17 say they’ve been hit by a boyfriend, according to Michele Dusenbery of the Defense Awareness Response Training program.
So DART Inc., a Boulder-
based nonprofit, is working to get a new, in-depth program called DateSmart integrated into St. Vrain Valley eighth
graders’ health education curriculum.
While some might think such information would be more appropriate at the high school level, Dusenbery said she believes it’s important for students to know what a healthy dating relationship is before they begin dating.
“At that point, I think it’s too late,” she said. “We want to get (students) this information before they go to high school and their whole social world changes.”
Domestic-violence experts say dating violence goes underreported for a variety of reasons, particularly because teens don’t want to lose their freedom. Because of that, teens always turn to a friend first rather than telling a teacher or a parent of an abusive situation.
“We want to let them know what to look for if they think their friend is in trouble,” Dusenbery said. “We want them to know that anybody can be a victim.”
Even themselves.
DART’s four-hour DateSmart program focuses not only on healthy dating education, but also self-defense tactics and how to get help for oneself and one’s friends.
“Oftentimes, (a victim) doesn’t want to admit it is what it is,” Becerra said. “The social pressure to have a boyfriend is so high.”
Another reason such abuse is prevalent, officials say, is that teens don’t always have a point of reference for what an appropriate and healthy dating relationship is.
“It’s often their first ‘real’ boyfriend or girlfriend, and they don’t really know what signs of love or control are,” Longmont Police Officer Sara Pierce said.
As in adult relationships, domestic violence in teen relationships is linked to power and control, she said. People abuse their partners because they feel a lack of power and control in other areas of their lives.
Advocates encourage parents to talk with their children about healthy dating relationships.
“Don’t assume it’s something they’re going to know,” Becerra said.
Dusenbery said she hopes to launch the DateSmart program in the St. Vrain Valley School District in the spring.
What to watch for
Some signs that a relationship may become abusive:
• Extreme jealousy
• Controlling behavior
• Quick involvement
• Unpredictable mood swings
• Alcohol and drug use
• Explosive anger
• Isolation from friends and family.
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